Thursday, October 11, 2007

I left school halfway during recess today. Had to put Scottie down. I cried on my way home. As i carried him in my arms, it just came to me that this was my last time being able to embrace him. My last everything with him. I held my tears back, but it just kept overflowing. He was shivering all the way. Waiting for my mum outside the house, i knelt down beside Scottie and just started weeping, telling him that i'm really sorry. He looked at me in agony, he practically just stared at me throughout the whole journey. It was as if he knew what was gonna happen to him. He hid his head under my arms and looking up at me once in a while. It just broke my heart. Once we reached the vet, tears just flowed even more. Mum kept telling me it's okay. How on earth can i be okay? I'm putting him down. I'm not gonna see him, NOT EVER. Waited for 5 minutes, and his time came. I walked into the room, and held him so tight. I refused to let go of him. The vet asked if i wanted to witness his death? I was thinking real hard if i should. In the end i didn't. I put him on the table, patted his head and just turned to leave. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Furthermore watch him die. When i turned back to have a last look at him, he struggled to run towards me, looking at me in a really sad way. I so wanted to take him and just run out of the vet. I walked really fast with my head down. My mum caught up with me and i just broke down in the middle of the road. She hugged me telling me it's okay. Honestly, i don't see how it can be okay. I want him back, i really do. That'll be my birthday wish. Bring him back to me. The whole scene of me turning my back on him, and his reaction just keeps replaying in my head. Now, his gone. The thought of not being able to hear his constant barking, the adorable look in his eyes, his accompaniment, is haunting me. I just can't get that scene out of my head. I've cried almost the whole day, there's nothing i can do to get him back. So don't tell me 'death is part of life'. Cause that'd just make me burst. Right now, i'm missing him so SO much!
God, bring him back to me please. ): i really want him back. )): This feeling sucks.
I miss Scottie ): Walking pass the kitchen, i can't help but to stare at the empty space. No more newspapers, no more water bowl and food bowl. Worst of all, i don't see Scottie there.
): I miss him. This feeling is killing me. I really do love him so much.

When i was 8 years old, with Scottie

The last i ever saw of him. ):

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