Monday, October 8, 2007

I claimed i didn't care for you

But your verse got trapped inside my head
Over and over again
You played yourself to death in me

His constant heavy breathing, his swollen paws, his red eyes.. His suffering and i'm being selfish. I can't imagine carrying him in my arms, and handing him over to the veterinarian. Knowing that i'm sending him to his death. I can't stop crying, i can't sleep. He may just be a dog. But to me, his not "JUST" a dog. His more then that. His part of my life, always have been. I love him so effing much. But his sickness can't even be cured. Scottie's got 3 more days to live. Yet he doesn't know what's gonna happen next. I feel like i'm a murderer. I can't do anything to help him ease the pain, but to watch him in grieve. Seeing him lick his paws in agony and the look on his face, just hurts so damn bloody much. He can't even sit properly. All i can do now is to spent all the time i have with him till Thursday. Just feel so darn sorry for him. It's effing heartbreaking to see him like that. But that's a part of parcel in life right. Somethings just don't last forever.
Last night i covered him with a blanket, and sat him down on a chair. I sat on the floor and just patted him. I wanted to take a picture. Before i press the button, he suddenly turn, looked at me and kiss me on the lips. In other words he licked me on the lips. And he just looked at me. I know to some it's sick, but to me it's adorable. How am i gonna take him to the vet this Thursday. He was leashed to a box while my part-time maid was clearing his area. What shocked me was that despite his weakness and pain, he dragged the box all the way to my room just to see me. The look in his eyes just makes me feel like hugging him so tight and never letting him go.
Till now, he follows me everywhere i go. Be it in the bathroom, he'll be waiting outside. Even if his sleeping and he sees me get up of my chair, he'll still follow.

You Made a scene & Left me t clear up after you.

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