IM SO HAPPY !! YES I AM ! :))) let me blow u awae wit my thrillion smiles !! hees` x)) e1 really has chnged. :) im happy like toot. he did sm things which he has been hiding frm me fer a few wiks. n he confessed ta me b4 ytd. i can't sae wad he did .. but i forgave him. but i was upset wit him. i met him d nxt dae to haf dina wit him. i gotta shock wen i saw him. he wore so formal. i was like wearing hme clothes. worse den casual. sucha outkast. lols` he combed his hair to one side, so neat lahs. so hadnsm. faints-* lols` sm things i ought not haf done but did. but i did it for a reason. n its nvr gonna happen again eva ! i promise . he promised me too. he told his frens not to tell me abt wad he did. i tot so anywae. nihoos, later dere's firwrks. donoe wad italy firewrks. den tmr dere's france firewrks. kinda cool. wanna go c. later gonna c wit irwan. =) finally lahs . lols` going ard 5 plus . im really happy now. i wanna stae lyk dis fereva wit him. im praying n wishingg dat my happiness won't b drained out by sadness n hurt. cos im happy where i m now tgth with him. he makes me really happy . his my prince -* i love him so SO MUCH . his lyk my happiness. no wait. he IS my happiness !! whhheeesx ` my hunaye n i !! he may not b my longest stead, but his the best stead eva ! we're on our wae to b d longest stead. halfway dere. =)) heesx. lalala-` i don care wad ppl think or sae abt me , i don gif a shit. sae wad u wanna sae it doesn't affect me. but if u take him awae frm me, mark my wrds. u'll b getting hell frm me.

sm girl took him awae frm me once. n now im not frens wit u. i don even wanna b frens wit u. u backstabbed me n i hate backstabbers. u did many things bhind my back thinking i wldn't noe. r u dat dumb to think dat i wldn't find out ? but still in d end i did. now i hate you. cos u took him awae frm me. even tho its partly his fault, i blame you too. sm ppl used to tell me nvr to share any secrets wit u cos u're a bigmouth. but i didn't tk dem fer real cos i really liked you n rite now , i don. seeing u spoils my mood.

honestly, i still m hurt by dat very act d both of u did. cos u two were once a couple. hafing to pretend its okae weneva i c her is like cutting my wrist , my insides screaming out ur name in anger. dats how i feel. but its ova. so il leddit go . i let it go cos of e1. cos i love him.

everytime we hafta go out you owaes cancle on me. every single time. you don even noe how it feels like to be so happy at first thinking dat i can go out with you. but towards d ending you tell me dat you can't go out wit me cos you haf other plans. it really hurts. mondae was our 2nd mnth anniversary n you cldn't go cos you haf rehearsal n i had training n i wldn't mind not going for you. but i can't n i understand n i don mind. tuesdae we were supposed to go out but u had other plans with ur frens. nvm abt dat cos ur frens asked you first. den wednesdae we were supposed to go out but ur dad din let you cos you hadda go for ur family outting. so nvm. den thurs, which is tmr .. you can't. or rather cos you haf to make ur passport its a must. n u wanna mit me afta dat but i don wanna cos by d tyme u mit me, it'll b so late alrdy . so wads the use of miting me for such a short while. not worth it. i wanna go out with the whole dae not js half a dae. urghhs` it really shattered my heart. i really wanna go out with you. i really do. i haven't had the tyme to be with you to see you or to hug/kiss you. i really miss you so much. i wanna be with you to spent time with you. but you owaes haf plans. it really really hurts so badly noeing not to go out with you. i don even noe why im crying lahs .. f***

haf been trying to contact him since js now until now. i feel so frustrated wit him. hais-* i wanted to go out wit him todae but cos his frens alrdy asked him first so he went out wit dem. d tone of ur voice wen i asked u to go out wit me u sounded so sad like so reluctant. dats y i let u go. our 2nd mnth anniversary we din even celebrate, i only got to b wit u fer 1 hr 30 mins. dats tooting short. nvm. but u did make me happy ytd. todae u din. u made me feel so sad. dats y d whole afternoon i slept. n i js woke up. i feel so stupid. y do i owaes hafta cry ova u ? .. tmr u can't go out wit me to watch d fireworks. i've been waiting since last yr to watch wit u cos last yr u watched it wit ur frens. dis yr u were supposed to watch wit ur frens which made me really upset . everything u do u ms do it wit ur frens. don u eva think abt me first .

ytd i tot dat maybe we are gonna b okae. bcos u said :" i will chng, i promise. dis tyme i promise u n i mean it." it took me really long to convince myself dat il trust u dis tyme. but u shattered my heart agn. smtymes i wish u had no frens at all . but too bad, im not so heartless. it doesn't matter if u donoe wad i did fer u todae. i js wish dat one dae wen u find out, dat'll b d dae u strt treating me like YOUR GIRLFRIEND. i really donoe why i let myself trust u agn. honetsly, dere were firwrks js now. i felt so demoralised. so sad. cos i've owaes wanted to watch d firwrks wit my boyfren. n js wen i tot i cld, it was being snatched awae frm d palm of my hands. i guess i wun b seeing u or toking to u dat much anymore. u're js too busy . u hurt me so deeply dat d scars u created will owaes remain in my heart. d 2 cuts on my hand, everytyme i luk at it i feel so stupid. i owaes think , y did i cut myself. i feel so dumb. cos d scar will owaes b dere. n last nite smwan toked to me n said smthing to me which smhow i din noe y but it really touched me n woke me up . eyes were watery wen he said dat. he told me y shld not do things to myself like cutting or brusing myself. thanks :))

i believe dat 'll chng dis tyme. i don't noe y im trudting u dis tyme , but i noe dat everywan ought to haf a second chance. fer u , a thrillion hances. hahas. wells , i do wan things to wrk out btwn us of cos. i js wan us to last , dats all. but not js fer d sake of us being long tgth. dat wun b worth it. but fer us to love one anotha whole heartedly. n be happy too. dat'll b bliss to me. =)) cos i love u so -*

anywaes todae had foto tking. first wan was d cca counslers wan. gosh ` im like d 2nd shortest amongst d cca couslers juniors. so malu. lols` den we took a pic. den afta recess tk agn fer class foto. im d shortest. x( not 2nd but 1st. lols` i realy ms grow tall. i din noe i'd b d shortest. can't blame me, it runs in d family. hahas. d x-country's cuming soon ! ahs-*im scared ta death. cos like i really wanna b in d top 10 n fer d b division n in dat division i've got so many competitors. ahhs-* really hope i get top 10 . my stomache beta not gimme probs. but smhow i noe it wld. i js wish dat my stomache wldn't owaes b d one dat goes koyak. hahas. cos once my tummy's pain i can't run . i haf ta jog. which slows me dwn. oh wells. hopefully, m praying. hahas. =)) lalala` so happy ! my ss test gt 10/12. my n theo gonna compete fer d CT . c hu get highest. :))

had d national dae pardade rehearsal again. lols` so BORING !! oh wells. den aftadat wen fer training, but alrdy ended. hahas. phew-* smthing happened ta 2 of d softballers so d timing was dragged. den afta dat prob was settled den FINALLY went ta kfc to eat . it was alrdy like going 8pm wen we were at d bus stop.so funny lahs d nepalese. kept luffing n luffing.i LOVE dem to bits. so comical. by d time i rched hme, it was alrdy 9:43pm. mum "scolded" me. im kinda grounded. can't watch tv, tok on d fone, or use d comp. im using it now cos i smuggled into d comp witout her notice. SMART ain't i ? .. x) iROCK -* lalala` smhow his strting to chng fer d beta alrdy. im GLAD. im js praying dat he'll b nice to be js as he is now, foreva ! :)) smiles-` todae trainng saw dem doing diamond drill . urghh !! i wanted to do diamond drill ! dangg -* nvm. mebbe nxt fridae i guess. anyhOos, im kinda tired now. tmr going out wit e1 n frens jamming. js hlp dem n stuff. cos deir're a new band. e1's sorta like deir coach. all 3 bands in d ndp parade got in. dats good news. mebbe dats y his so elated n so gud to me dis few daes. hope he staes liddat till eternity.

i don haf mah fone. my mum took it awae .. again. lols` oks. anywaes, ate at KFC wit e1 todae. mum wans to c my cher dis tues. urgh` so pissed wit her. nvm. watched d soccer match between chers n students. kinda xciting i guess. quite a nice game ta watch. at least not so boring. e1 came back to skul to find me cos me n nepalese nurul jh kinda pulled a trick on him. i influenced dem into. :)) oks. gtg. i not supposed ta use d comp. my mum n bro eating durian outside. YUCKS !! stinkss -*

todae so cold !! mum wanted ta send me to skul but cos i tot i was mitning him so said no. hais` he din even turn up. nvm. todae afta skul he like so swit. he send me to d bus stop. den he kissed me on d cheek . hahas. FAINTS-* den i told him ' cum i kiss ur pimple face'. hahas. den he luff. i LOVE it wen he smiles. so CUTE !! wheesx .. so adorable !! :)) i LOVE him. haha. nxt mon i going out wif him . cos its our 2 mnth. hahas. i nearly forgot. he gonna watch wit me firworks on national dae. like FINALLY. but cos i ask him wan. he was supposed ta watch wit his frens. n he din even think of watching it wit me. i was tooting moody ytd . cos he watched wit his frens last yr n dis yr he going wit dem agn. i feel like his frens r his steads liddat. he treats dem beta den me n r closer ta dem. yup. hoping dat he'll chng. HOPING ! x)) lalala`

chnged backgrd song n everything. will be chning d backgrd agn. don really like it , its kinda small. so bored at hme todae !! :( nothingg much ta do. hais` alrghts. he din msg me or col me. only afta i msged him den he msg me. told me dat he gonna go out wif his frens den go jamming . urgh` like wadeva. do i care ? i donoe neither do i wanna answer dat qns. do waeva u wan my opinion will make u pissed anywae. im last in ur list. don piss me off. make my dae. no don , u'll only make it worse. tata`

a song i wrote just last month .. i thinkk . ((:

as i lean against dis cold hard wall
my heart is torn into peices
as i sit in one corner and cry, will you pass me by ?
i feel so helpless for dere's nothing i can do

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt by u anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

will i ever be loved by u ?
is dere anyway to be made whole again ?
if im new renewed again will i be sure not to be hurt again ?
my heart is aching

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

dats bout it. if it's weirdd , den sorry. dis song was written in one of d darkest moment of my life.
to b hurt by d person dat i love ova n ova again. not realising dat im hurting myself by allowing all dis things to happen. nothing i can do or sae .. it has turned me into a diff person. smtymes i don even noe hu i m anymore. oh wells . x))

todae i had training. i hadda tk sm equipments out to d field where d soccer boys were at. dey were sitting at d usual plc dey owaes seat,on d track. den sumi ran off to do donoe wadd. left me alone to pull d pail of balls n bats. it nearly toppled lahs . den dey were sitting dere luking. i felt so embarassed. den wen i had to lift d pail into d field den dey kip saying me. viknesh was one of em. den i said in tamil ' sutala ping pong ' to naresh. js wanted to noe if he knew d phrase. den viknesh luff. den stupid naresh strted scolding me in tamil. i was like wadeva. and anywae b4 i went into d field d soccer boys kip saying me. one afta anotha. at first i din mind.. until wen i was running dey added more things which kinda pissed me off alittle . urgghh -* d moment i thinkk of it i feel like using a bat to whack all of em. dis typa thing oso so fun to tease. so DUMB !! lols` seriously, k lahs.. thinkingg of it pisses me off.

din c k7 training on d field so asked him where he was at. den afta training he was at d shop n save dere. i din noe dat. i tot dat he was at d void deck or smthingg lahs .. hais` he said hi n gave a smile to me n e1. i felt so bad cos e1 gave attitude. rite now i feel really bad n i feel like k7`s mad at me. e1 was jealous but dere was nothing i cld do. i only made it worse wen we were goingg back. cos he said smthing abt k7. n everything dat e1 said i kept defending k7. n e1 got mad cos he said y i kip defending him . so i js kept quiet den said dat it isn't k7's fault. den e1 said shhsed me. n told me not to tok abt it cos if not we'll quarrell agn. i noe k7's angry wit me. i js wanted to sae sorry if his angry wif me. im really sorry . i din mean ta make u mad or anything. i js feel tooting bad now. hais` =(