At 12 years old, with my hair braided on both sides real tight, sporting a centre parting back then.. I looked at myself in the full length mirror, scanning every part of my body. Leaning closer to the mirror, i spot a couple of imperfections on my face.
"Why can't i look flawless like those gorgeous girls i see on TV or social media? They look ah-mazing all the time!"
I turn away from the mirror in disgust, wondering why i look so incredibly imperfect. I envy girls with such slim figures, thin legs, full boobs that fills the bra, small wasit, V-Shaped face, sharp nose, big eyes etc. The list could go on forever.
But we all know the real problem lies with girls having so much low self esteem & the constant comparing with the socialites on social media platforms, trying very hard to look like em.
Why, you ask?
Well, for the very simple reason that every girl wants to look amazing & be adored.
I am one of those girls. I struggled with this issue for years. You wouldn't believe the age i started feeling so damn insecure about my outlook. I was 6 when it started. I remember going for my weekly swimming lessons. I reluctantly put on my swimming costume, stood in front of the mirror & the very first thing i focused on were my legs- My oh so fugly fat thighs.
I'm 6! How isit possible even then i had such thoughts?! I hated swimming lessons because of that. I felt so ugly that when i reached 12, again, i stood in front of the mirror analysing my body.
I will NEVER forget that day. I told myself this:
"When im older & i earn my own money, i'm gonna go for plastic surgery to remove all the fats ard my arms & thighs. I want bigger boobs too."
I got made fun of in school constantly about my weight. Now, looking back at my photos, i was nowhere near a fat kid. But kids being kids, they are mean & say things just to poke fun at you. Till this day i have no idea what good do these kids gain in saying nasty things. I highly doubt they even understand the damage it does to a young girl, growing up, trying to figure herself out. She's scared & just wants to fit in. To be admired for looking pretty with a nice bod.
That's all just so superficial isn't it?
The world IS superficial. Well, not entirely but most parts of it. When i reached the age of 24, i started accepting my body as it is. I'm still struggling with it, that i will admit. It was never easy & man i tried all sorts of diets. I exercised like mad. I even went to the extent of restricting myself to only consuming vegetables & fruits. Did any of those diets work?- HELL NO.
I realized that i was never gonna get the model kind of body i set myself to achieve. Because it's an impossible goal. A superficial goal which does me no good in any way whatsoever. All for what? Just to fit in & be admired. The girl who was often made fun of just wanted the teasing to stop. It hurt, & all i wanted was to be one of those girls guys went after.
At 25, i'm proud to say i am getting there. Slowly getting there. I exercise regularly. I try my vert best to steer clear of sweet or sugary food, consuming healthy food to stay in shape & not put pile on to the pounds! While i sometimes do wish i had slim legs, arms & what not.. I no longer suffer that bad from super low self esteem. At some point of your life, you gotta realize that as long as you are happy, healthy, alive & surrounded by people who accept you for who you are, loving you unconditionally.. Thats truly all that matters.
From here on out, i sincerely hope that my life will always be filled with great fun & risk taking adventures. Here's to turning 25 on 26 october! To better days & years ahead.
R made me a Twix bag which he sewed himself. Freaking cute hahahha. Absolutely love handmade items & his thoughtfulness.
Baidah built a TeePee for me while i was out the entire day in JB w R & momsie. She headed over to my place right after her work & spent 2hrs building the TeePee.
For many years, i've always wanted a TeePee in my room. I've looked online & it's always so expensive it's insane! So couple of years ago, i suggested to R tt i wanted to build my own TeePee & if he would help me. He always said no time or he'd push it back. Fast forward to the eve of my birthday, i came home at 10.30pm & walked into my room with this handmade gorgeous TeePee over my bed. Baidah walked right behind me & said happy birthday!! I turned around and hugged the woman! I was pleasantly surprised!
R came into the room shortly after with a cake and they sang the birthday song. & It was the cake i wanted- A Speculoos Cheesecake from Cake Spade.
On the actual day of my birthday, R took me out to watch a movie, day massage (which was incredibly horrible af) & dinner at my fav restaurant- Aquamarine Buffet!!
AquaMarine has an amazing spread especially their seafood!! R & i would always whack the seafood section first. It's $70.30/person exlucding GST & Service Charge. But i would recommend gg during the weekend instead of weekdays cause we went during a weekday & the seafood section was very different from their weekend seafood spread. I love their dessert section tho! They have amazing durian mousse cake, durian pengat & frozen yoghurt! Few of my fav desserts from their buffet.
Overall i had an enjoyable birthday celebration.
Hai Di Lao with friends few days before my birthday. We dined at the Clarke Quay outlet cause i prefer the service there as compared to the one at 313. Had a great time catching up & all. Went home super full!