30 Oct marks the worse day of my life. The ultimatum to the worse ending of 2014. The day tt tore my world apart. One tt is gna take a long time to heal. & To think i was silly enough to believe tt i cld turn things around for the better as i was having a crappy 2014. But no, the call i received from my aunt still rings in my ears as though it happened ytd.
The words, " Nadine, hurry come to A&E. Your daddy passed away."
I cldnt believe it. Those very words made time stop & everything ard me was a blur. I was at work at tt time i received the call & about to end work. I ran out of the kitchen & hailed a cab. Whilst in the cab all i cld think of was "This can't be true. Maybe she's just exaggerating. Please Lord, let it not be true please."
I was brought into the Morgue to see my dad. He laid on the metal table covered in a white cloth. Tt's when reality set in. Tt's when i heard a voice telling me "Daddy's really gone. He's gone, forever." All i cld think of was why now. It was totally unexpected & sudden. He's only 53. Why now. Why.
I stared at his body for so long till i thought i saw his body rise up abit, thinking he was still breathing. I just cldn't accept the fact tt my father was really gone, forever.
I havent had the chance to tell him one last time how much he means to me, & most of all, how much i truly love him. I longed for his big warm hugs & the kisses on my cheek. His hands turned cold & yellow. His skin was changing colour. Before we left the morgue, my sisters & i gathered ard him & said a lil prayer. I hugged him one last time for a long time & held his stubby fingers like i used to when i was little. I kissed him on the forehead & left.
During the memorial service i didn't say a eulogy as i was too afraid to face the crowd. Too afraid as i know i wldn't be able to hold myself tgth. I cldn't even look at his picture right infront of the coffin. For each time i looked over, i wld tear. & All i cld think of when i looked over & see his picture was "I can't believe this is daddy's funeral i'm at. I can't believe this is really happening."
People have been asking me if i'm alright. Of course im not alright. I miss my dad so much it hurts. I miss his hugs & kisses. He left so abruptly & we were supposed to go on a holiday tgth which has alr been booked. I even thought of all the photos i was gna take with him as we don't hv much photos tgth. I miss him so sooo much & i wish he knows how much i love him.
So here's my heartfelt eulogy to my dad.
"Daddy was a kind hearted, generous & super positive man. He wld put others first & find ways to help people. He wld go the extra mile just to lend a helping hand. Daddy once told me tt he picked up a drunk guy who cldn't get home on his own. He stumbled out of the cab & laid on the floor, apologising to my dad for the mess he created. My dad cld hv js drove away, but he didn't. Instead, he parked his cab on the 6th level, ran down to carry the guy home & ran up again to his cab. My dad was one who wld never turn his back on those who were in need. Even if it's at the expanse of his time. It amazes me how he can often keep his cool & be so patient. Daddy often tells me to stay positive in all situations.
My fav memory of daddy was the time i was grounded by my mum & instead of punishing me, he brought me out to watch a movie at TPY called "Babe." He brought my PJ's to keep me warm. During my last conv with him, which was 4 days before he passed away, i rmbr talking to him happily & the way he looked at me in my eyes & smiled.. I was having such a great time talking to him. He sat beside me & listened to my complains & gossips. He never once judged me. Instead, he wld always let me do whatever i want & say "As long as you know what you are doing it's fine. If not, u will face the consequences." I was comfortable with daddy. I cld tell him anything & know tt he will always have my back & not scold me. It's who he is.
Daddy was a great son, brother, friend, & most of all, father. I know, he is safe in heaven where he will always be my guardian angel watching over me. He will be missed incredibly much by all of us."