after so many months of procrasination, i am proud to declare that i have finally made my EZ LINK CARD !! haha. like FINALLY ! hees. the journey to tiong bahru's so far la. gosh* but througout the whole journey i was in my world of thoughts.
anyway, i finally got back my results today! i dont exactly know each subject what i got. but the good news is, i pass my math, english, chinese, and combine science. i was head over heels la. i hardly pass my math, and when i saw my marks, i was practically screaming inside of my mind. LOL. my english, top in class! wheees. other then that, i failed my combine humans and f&n. i've improved. but if it's not overall, i think i fail alot. haha. cause my CT and paperwork pull my SA marks up. which is a relieve. im satisfied with my results.
need to head out soon to buy my camp stuff, and something else too. gawwwd ! my camp's after tmr! i'm grieving for tt day to come. sighs* i just hate camps. i mainly hate camps that are too long. but if it's with the people whom i'm extremely close to and love so so dearly, then i wouldnt mind. like tt time when there was softball camp with the guys too, i was elated. cause irwan was going too. ACKS* i'm starting it again. smacks forehead*

alright. that's about all. toodles*

didnt attend the cousillor meeting today. i overslept. supposed to go out with daphne so tt she can buy the cardigen for louis. i really admire her. she went around s'pore for the past few weeks looking for the cardi tt louis has always wanted. cause it was always out of stock. then today. she finally got it. i couldn't go out with her last minute cause mum was at home and i didn't go sch. she won't allow. then in the afternoon the softballers came over to my place. we cooked and baked. it was fun. we watched friends, as usual. it's fun being around them. their're full of nonsense. haha. then at one part, rakhi turned to me and said ' dont be sad la. dont think aout him alr. we came here to cheer you up.' and i was like.. omg. so sweet. cause i thought they came over just for fun. i was really touched. i really feel blessed being around all my sunhine friends. im really grateful to those who have been trying to cheer me up. those who have stuck by me all this time. their're my TRUE friends. (: and im not gonna let them go.
it'll probably take a really long time for me to let go of him. but i'm gonna try. no matter how many times i have to try, i'll not give up. i told him i'll wait for him. and deep down inside of me, i want to wait for him. yet, i know tt it's not worth it. i know clearly tt his happy with her. and i dont wanna do anything to upset him. so why cant i just let go? cause seeing him happy makes my heart ache. i love him too much to let go of. but if tt's what he wants, and his happy, then fine. ): sighs* i hate this. he was my whole world, my everything. now, i lost him and im the miserable one. my hearts aching. it's so darn painful. i go school just to see him. sometimes i wish i dont. cause it hurts. )):
found out yesterday tt tash has a boyfriend. nik's already attached months ago. so.. yeahs. my twin sisters are both attached. happy for them. cause they seem really happy. esp tash la. bluff mum say she eating with her team-mates. and we saw her at bishan with her bf. after tt, when she came hme she told us she with tt guy. tt guy's not bad looking la. so-so. can tell tt tash is really happy. and nik, she's obviously happy too. i started suspecting tt tash has a boyfriends when she started treating me so nice all of a sudden. LOLS.
exams are over anyway. ((: yay* no more studying. but the start of trainings begin. SRC's next month and we haven't even started training. GSS is coming too! shopping. hees. can't wait. alr spent alot of money for the past few days. so gotta save. tt's all for now.

sighs* i really can't just stop thinking of him. why why why? .. it hurts so much. i keep dreaming of him. everyday without fail, his always on my mind. what do i have to do to get him off my mind? i think he changed his num too. cause i can't get a hold of him. urghhs* i miss him SO much. )): feel like crying, yet im holding it back. i keep saying i'll let go of him, but it's so difficult. everytime i go out, im so freaking afraid tt i'll bump into him. i smile on the outside, but on the inside i feel like tearing my heart out. and yes, i still can't let go of him. i love him still. ): whatever. even if i still love him, it's not like he'll care.

i've been going out for the oast few days. bought LOTS of stuff. hees. so happy las. hahas. the feeling of going out, shopping and camwhoring with my friends just enlightens me. for once, i felt really happy. my friends really cheered me up. the main ones who cheered me up are claris, daphne,louis and russell. ((: their advice, presence, and jokes really made me realise it's time i wake up. HEES.
anyways, i spent SO much money la. bought clothes, choc, accesories. but i LOVE EM ALL. hees. i bought a dress, it's so pretty. a top from topshop, a blue foral print shirt from forever 21. cost a BOMB. but it's freaking nice la. has* love it love it. bought ear rings too. and a necklace. xDDD shopping really keeps my mind preoccupied.

i think i've made up my mind, which is to wait for him.. PATIENTLY. i'm gonna try and keep myself really occupied. so that i won't think so much and to prevent me from doing anything else.
sighs* plus, since we've both agreed to be best-pals, i might as well start acting like one. maybe during the june hols irwan will bring her and i can meet her. just for fun tt's all. to know her. i won't do anything to her, don't worry. it's not like i have the word EVIL stuck on my forehead.
now i'm in the middle of MYE. worst thing is tt i didn't really study. somore it was my MYE tt made me stay back. so i dont wanna repeat the same mistake. scared. ): boos*
don't know la. it just hurts so SO much. i really feel damn depressed. like i don't know what to do. ):
everywhere i go, whatever i do, there's this burden in my heart tt brings me down. i just want him to treat me good and nt like a stranger. i know he doesn't, but everytime i see his friendster i feel like crying. it really really hurts so much ): IT'S REALLY REALLY PAINFUL! tt's why now adays i hardly use the comp. )):
i need to brighten up my life, but how? what's wrong with me? .. i'm so messed up. i watched this show on star movies called ' CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL'. it's freaking nice. when i watched the show, i felt like i was watching my life. it's about this girl whose so messed up, has family probs and there's this guy who she loves alot. one day he was asked to leave her life. and there's this other girl who likes him and keeps flirting with him. she asked him whats wrong and he said he has to focus on his studies. she was devasted, like duh! then after awhile, he realised she is the one whom he wants to spent the rest of his life with. he went to find her and they left. ok, its really long. check he LIFE newspapers everyday. and if you see it, watch it !!! well, hopefully my ending will be like the show's. PRAYS hard.
i will wait for him. cause i've been thinking abt it and it dawned upon me tt his the one who i love. the one who i want to spend the rest of my life with. and i've never had such strong feelings for anyone before. and his tt guy. and im not gonna let him just walk out of my life. if only the girl, sha, knew this then .. i mean i just hope she understands how i feel and what i mean. ): sighs* tt's abt it anways.

i need a miracle to happen; the light i'm seeking for seems beyond my reach ):