todae so cold !! mum wanted ta send me to skul but cos i tot i was mitning him so said no. hais` he din even turn up. nvm. todae afta skul he like so swit. he send me to d bus stop. den he kissed me on d cheek . hahas. FAINTS-* den i told him ' cum i kiss ur pimple face'. hahas. den he luff. i LOVE it wen he smiles. so CUTE !! wheesx .. so adorable !! :)) i LOVE him. haha. nxt mon i going out wif him . cos its our 2 mnth. hahas. i nearly forgot. he gonna watch wit me firworks on national dae. like FINALLY. but cos i ask him wan. he was supposed ta watch wit his frens. n he din even think of watching it wit me. i was tooting moody ytd . cos he watched wit his frens last yr n dis yr he going wit dem agn. i feel like his frens r his steads liddat. he treats dem beta den me n r closer ta dem. yup. hoping dat he'll chng. HOPING ! x)) lalala`

chnged backgrd song n everything. will be chning d backgrd agn. don really like it , its kinda small. so bored at hme todae !! :( nothingg much ta do. hais` alrghts. he din msg me or col me. only afta i msged him den he msg me. told me dat he gonna go out wif his frens den go jamming . urgh` like wadeva. do i care ? i donoe neither do i wanna answer dat qns. do waeva u wan my opinion will make u pissed anywae. im last in ur list. don piss me off. make my dae. no don , u'll only make it worse. tata`

a song i wrote just last month .. i thinkk . ((:

as i lean against dis cold hard wall
my heart is torn into peices
as i sit in one corner and cry, will you pass me by ?
i feel so helpless for dere's nothing i can do

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt by u anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

will i ever be loved by u ?
is dere anyway to be made whole again ?
if im new renewed again will i be sure not to be hurt again ?
my heart is aching

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

dats bout it. if it's weirdd , den sorry. dis song was written in one of d darkest moment of my life.
to b hurt by d person dat i love ova n ova again. not realising dat im hurting myself by allowing all dis things to happen. nothing i can do or sae .. it has turned me into a diff person. smtymes i don even noe hu i m anymore. oh wells . x))

todae i had training. i hadda tk sm equipments out to d field where d soccer boys were at. dey were sitting at d usual plc dey owaes seat,on d track. den sumi ran off to do donoe wadd. left me alone to pull d pail of balls n bats. it nearly toppled lahs . den dey were sitting dere luking. i felt so embarassed. den wen i had to lift d pail into d field den dey kip saying me. viknesh was one of em. den i said in tamil ' sutala ping pong ' to naresh. js wanted to noe if he knew d phrase. den viknesh luff. den stupid naresh strted scolding me in tamil. i was like wadeva. and anywae b4 i went into d field d soccer boys kip saying me. one afta anotha. at first i din mind.. until wen i was running dey added more things which kinda pissed me off alittle . urgghh -* d moment i thinkk of it i feel like using a bat to whack all of em. dis typa thing oso so fun to tease. so DUMB !! lols` seriously, k lahs.. thinkingg of it pisses me off.

din c k7 training on d field so asked him where he was at. den afta training he was at d shop n save dere. i din noe dat. i tot dat he was at d void deck or smthingg lahs .. hais` he said hi n gave a smile to me n e1. i felt so bad cos e1 gave attitude. rite now i feel really bad n i feel like k7`s mad at me. e1 was jealous but dere was nothing i cld do. i only made it worse wen we were goingg back. cos he said smthing abt k7. n everything dat e1 said i kept defending k7. n e1 got mad cos he said y i kip defending him . so i js kept quiet den said dat it isn't k7's fault. den e1 said shhsed me. n told me not to tok abt it cos if not we'll quarrell agn. i noe k7's angry wit me. i js wanted to sae sorry if his angry wif me. im really sorry . i din mean ta make u mad or anything. i js feel tooting bad now. hais` =(

went fer our skul's ndp rehearsal todae to hlp out(AVA). we were setting up d mikes n stuff, hafta test d mike if it's working, i din noe dey oned it n iwas like playing wit d mike saying ' nadine rocks nadine rocks' NON-STOP !! n dey suddenly on d mike, n i said it so loud den ppl were like luking at me. lols` den dat harris cum n ji siao me. but still, its a FACT dat nadineROCKS ! :))) lalala` stupidd . x)) so tooting boring lahs d rehearsal .. i rather do smthing ekse like watching tv rather den do dis. den dere were 3 bands waiting to audition on hu will get in. end up cos all 3 bands don haf drum set, so todae's rehearsal fer dem canceled. lols. n dey waited frm skul end until nearly 6. fer d bands, it will b postponed ta anotha dae. i hope dat e1's band` black academies will get in. he wans it so badly. he'll b really overjoyed if his band gets in :))) il b happy fer him. i wan him to b happy. x)) yups.

smhow im so in LOVE wit dis chinese song sang by donoe hu, but title coled zhi dui ni shuo !! ahhhs` faints-* its such a NICE songg. actually i only like d chorus ! :)))
saRangg hae yo zhi duii ni shuo ` i will lOve eu n fereva moRe ..

[saRangg hae yo means ii lOve eu]] -*

d feeling of loving smwan so much n being wif him fer so long feels so gud bcos i've been wit him fer so long. along d way we haf obstacles n we breakdwn but we pick orselves up agn n strt frm where we stopped.

its been a few mnths n d bickering n squabbling between d both of us nvr seems to end. we broke n patched many tymes . everytyme we broke my heart shattered into pieces n i felt like my happiness has turned into sadness. wen we patched back tgth .. my sadness bcums a sense of happiness. i don wan anything to happen to our relationship. i love him so much to let him go agn. i've decided to spent d rest of my life wit him n only HIM. im sorry if i've eva hurt u but i nvr did mean to hurt u. i js wan to b loved by u n to b cared by u even more. i feel insecure wit u. everytyme we quarell my world falls aprt.

now anotha girls n guys cums into d picture n sm of em breaks us dwn. but still we forgif ech otha n we choose to trust ech otha. but todae, d things u said to me out of anger left we speechless. has ur trust in me faded awae ? .. i've nvr eva lied to u b4 . mayb i did a few tymes , but darling dat was a long tyme ago. n i nvr did it agn eva since. i don wanna hurt u anymre cos i noe wad it feels like. everywan noes wad d feeling is like , it SUCKS ! wen i hear ur voice, it draws a smile on my face. d sense of elation in my heart, d inside of me screaming out ur name.

dere's dis guy guy hu admitted dat he likes me, n at first i didn't believe him until he bcam really serious abt it. i was shocked, yes. i didn't wan to tell u at first cos i tot dat u mite b angry n i wasn't so sure yet. d dae i knew d truth i told u d nxt dae. its not cos i wan u to b jealous or anything. but it's cos i don wanna hide anything frm u bcos u're my boyfriend n i don think dat it is rite fer me to hide anything frm u. i told dat uy dat im sorry but we can only frens cos i love my boyfriend n i don wanna do anything to hurt him. dat guy was sad, yes. but he understood. now we r js close frens. n i hope u don mind e1. cos i noe where not to cross d line. u don hafta worry cos we r js close frens now. trust me. i don wan us to fall aprt js bcos of all dis. i wan us to stick like superglue.

one last thing, i love u n only u. todae onwards, wadeva u sae il do. il try all waes n means to make u happy n not o hurt u. but if in anywae i haf hurt u, im sorry. all i ask for is for u to love n care fer me. for us to b close like d elephant supaglue. i love being close to u . it makes me elated.
i LOVE u alot !!

[irwanad] -* couples fereva`

hais. d feeling of not toking to him fer 1 dae maakes me miss him so much !! i really miss him so much. i really do. i js love him so much. dats y i wan us to last. cos i j love him so much. :)) i really do. nowan can tear us aprt. i js love u so much. :))

hais. i really really donoe wadda do. i don wanna do or sae anything anymore. todae i was supposed ta go jamming wit his frens n him . i got ready n was alrdy at d bus stop. but he din even msg me or col me at all . so i msged his fren n ask if d jamming waas still on. n actually it was cancled. i was tooting pissed. i coled him n he js woke up. it was 1 plus lahs . urghhs ! n he still can sae ' u get angry ova such a small little thing for wad ? ' like wtf lahs .. u din even tell me dat u cancled d outing u told all ur frens xcept me. n u still can sae dat. n u tk so lng to sae sorry to me. wtf is wrng wit u. y isit dat u ms owaes OWAES hurt me. yes i put dwn ur col cos u really pissed me off. n u expect me to col u back cos put dwn ur col ?? u put dwn on me owaes wen we quarell n i OWAES col u back. n now wen its ur fault i hafta col u back?? u donoe wad its like to b deeply hurt ova n ova agn. n i hafta do everything ur way. it hurts so much ! wad is wrng wit u lahs . n u don even botha to col me back. u don even botha ta msg me. everydae i live in sadness. hurt by u ova n ova agn. i don even noe y im crying now. god ! i js wished dat i'd nvr et u. everytyme u sae u'll chng, u wun. honestly im hurt by u SO MUCH .

i haf a bestfren hu undastands me so much. his like everything dat i wan in a guy. but he can only b my bestfren n nothing more. his d only wan hu undastands me. its sad to sae dat my own boyfren doesn't even undastand me at all.

ytd went ta d s'pore idol thingy. we got free tickets ta go. smwan gave mr kamil 150 tickets. n he gave to d students n chers. so cool !me, naplese, jh, py n zana went tgth. dey all met at my hse. dey make so much noise lahs .. hahas. we tot we were gonna b late so took a cab dwn. we got into d mediacorp theatre n we were sitting rite bhind d JAY FANS !! sadly we weren't really supporting jay. we support jaokim n gayle. but gayle was out last nite. so .. yeahs. rite bside us were pual fans. jay fans n paul fans were like competeing hu scream d loudest. so irrataiting lahs. lols. den e1 n his fren were standing at d stage dere. so lols` afta d whole thing ended den dis lady jay fan came up to us n asked if we wan free tickets den js tell her she'll get us free tickets. so kind . den e1 was bhin me i din noe n he said yes. so if we wanna watch agn den we js gotta gif her a col or smthing. :)) blessed ` aites. i din go skul todae. was too tired lahs. x)
here r sm picswe took b4 n during s'pore idol.

things haf not chnged since. i js wished dat u wld understand me n realise dat d things u do r hurting me so deeply. it hurts so much. u said dat i was ova reacting, to me i noe im not. if u wld js once not owaes blame me n luk at wad u did wrng, dat'll b gifing in alittle. u sae i don gif in, aren't i gifing in alot alrdy ? wen u scold me i js kip quiet n stae calm. yet even tho at tymes it's not my fault i sae sorry. did u eva think b4 u sae or do antyhing to me. why isit dat afta so long we still js can't get along. 2 months, n im still in dis pathetic state. y isit dat weneva u get angry u vent ur anger on me. wen i tell u d truth, u get angry i undastand. but isit my fault ? i wonder y i love u so much. i wonder y i shed those tears ova u. isit worth it ? did u even noe wad happen b4 u actually sae anything. i noe dat i hurt u alot last tyme, but now im sorry. n im chnging. i js feel hurt by u everytyme. im gifing in so much, too much dat my heart's aching so much. i wish i had smwan to listen to me n tok to me abt my probs n lend me a crying shoulder. one hu'd cheer me up wen im dwn. sadly, dat person isn't u. u sae u care .. but do u really ? how many tymes haf u comforted me wen im sad ? i can't even rmbr wen was d last tyme u comforted me. cos it seemed lyk nvr.
i wanna get out of dis . did u even noe dat weneva i was toking to u on d fone im crying ? i can't bring myself to get hurt by u anymore. but smhow i noe dat even if i tell u all dese, u wldn't even care nor do anything. u'd js sae sorry . weneva u turn ur back on me, tears js roll dwn my cheeks
non-stop. i wanna BREAK FREE frm all the hurt u've been gifing me. 2 mnths n i don even feel happy at all. u said dat u'll chng, but it was all js lies. borken promises afta one anotha. to sae ' i hate u ' to u, wun do any gd. its not like u care. rite now i wanna b happy. but u stole my happiness frm me. pretending to b hu u wan me to b for 2 mnths, n u wan more. it hurts to hide all my upsetness n put up a fake one n smile js to please u. i feel lyk i don even noe hu i m now . YOU hurt me so badly n yet u donoe abt it. one last thing, but bcos i love u so .. il still gif in`

haven been blogging fer quite a while. anywaes, fer d past 3 daes din go skul cos i hadda hlp out in a gymnastic thing. at first i tot dat i wld b intresting. unfortunately it wasn't at all. d strting was. but afta tt it was BORING ! lols` 3 tooting daes i hafta go. d gymnastic girls all dance d same steps n its d same song ! wth lahs .. i was plaeing d music d whole dae. den nxt wik is guys artistic. i going 3 daes. wed thurs n fri. honestly i don wanna skip anymore lessons. im afraid i wld sate back. n i wanna do well in all my subs. so many things in my shecdule. tution training .. den d gymnastic thingy. but i can cop .. i think. my mum gonna sign me up fer d studio wu dance. FINALLY ! yays ` i've been waiting fer so darnn long. i've been pestering her since last yr :))) happiness -* whheeees ` i kinda felt pissed wit him todae. he msged me in d morn i di n reply den he cldn't b bothered to msg me agn. so .. urghhs !! i toked to smwan todae n kinda realise lotsa things frm her. decided ta gif in more . so decided ta let go abit n not owaes hold on ta him. im nobody ta control him anywaes.