all i want for christmas is a lovely valentine !
:))
someone to hug, to kiss, and for him to hold me in his arms.
someone to tell me everytime i meet him that i look gorgeous and he'd hug me and kiss me on my forehead.
someone to be with me 24/7 even if i don't get to see him.
someone who'd not ditch me.
someone who'd keep his promise.

all i want is a lovely valentine that'd love me whole heartedly.

will any guy be my valentine ? ..

:))

these are the things i want for christmas .

PSP
a dimple
skirts
levi's jeans
tops
boots
wedges shoes
nike shoe
vans shoe
my hair to be curled again
ipod
electric guitar
A COTTON CANDY MACHINE
a dance class
to be a really good catcher
to win all the games coming up
to be in the all star team

:))

mummy's coming back home today at midnight. can't wait to see the things that she bought for me ! yays* hahas. my tummy hurts :( .ytd i baked some cookies. wanted to do shapes as i have the cookie shape thing. but the mixture wasn't a dough, which is why i had to put it in a heart shaped tray. my cookies always taste all the same even though i do different recipes. anyways, you could use it as weapons. it's so hard. pathertic, i know. and somore i want to be a chef. has* another day of boredom. sighs * mum went away for holiday and the first two days i only went out for like what ? 2 days. then never go out already. his going through some family probs. sighs. it affects me when his down. his actions hurt me. nvm. i keep telling myself that i'll give in and control my feelings. just put a happy face and hide the sad one beneath. i guess there's no point quarelling with him and all. i mean, his going through a crucial moment. it'll be pure mean of me to keep pushing him. sighs.whatever. LET GO !! urgghhhs* if i could, i'd run away from home to a place where i can scream so loud that nobody can hear me. a place filled with long grass, something like a meadow. and tame animals running about. better yet, put me in a place where there are all types of dogs. that'll def make me happy. to occupy me from thinking of him. sighs*
:( boos*

do you know what it's like to keep saying the same things over and over again repeatedly . but everything's still the same, nothing's changed. don't know what to do with you anymore. two paths i can choose. either stay with you and endure your bullshit, or to be with you still, but let go of you. i choose the second one. i hate you so much. you suck !

didn't go church today. ahhs* so tired ! woke up at 1.30pm. i wanted to sleep more but at 3pm i have tuition. somore it's at tiong bahru. kinda far. i was late by 1 min though. anyways, tuition ended at5pm. then i met the twins at tiong bahru plaza and shopped for their neccessities. cause their going to bali for scuba diving. so i'll be alone at home for 2 days till mum comes home. besides i just came home. practically out the whole day. so tiring.

today was my grandma's birthday. me and my siblings bought her hand lotion. ate at a thai restaurant. the food's delicious ! :) hahas. finally can get into friendster and hotmail ! weeehees ! so happy lahs. lols` dady repaired it with just one click ! mummy's in HK. she bought us lots of stuff ! so happy ! hahas. next week mummy and me will be going to KL over the weekends ! (: buy christmas presents. cheaper. might be going phuket right after christmas . anyway, watched dejavu with daddy and tash todae! DEADNICE !! hahas. damn nice. to think that it wouldn;t be nice. but actually it rocks !

sometimes i just wish i could turn back time so that i could undo the deadly embarassing and stupid things that i do. each time i think of it it makes me feel so dumb and low. and i'll like wonder ' why the hell did i do that for ? .. gosh i should have just shut up and not say anything to save me from any embarassment. ' anywaes, ytd went out wit louis n ewan. dikai went hme early. we plaed pool . ewan was late. he made us so pissed with him. he himself told us not to be late and he was late. we waited for him for s damn long. we was slping at hme. everytime he does that i feel like punching him in the face. hahas. he treated us to delifrance to make up for what he did.

HIS BACK TODAE ! (: . so damn happy ! hees. it was during training wen he came back. i was so tooting happy lahs. m miting him later to haf dina. plus i hafta buy sm stuff. so tired todae. d moment i rched hme, ate alittle n knocked out immediately.

its been 3 days since i've seen him as his at a training camp. anywaes, i went out quite alot dis few daes. woke up early too, plus slept late. went out wit the twins. mum bot me afew stuff. love it ! she bot me 2 beautiful dresses, a pair of fancy luking shorts, n a wedged shoe which i've been wanting!! LOVE EM !den todae's the twins prom nite. dey luk gorgeous. (: accopanied dem to bugis shaw hse ta do deir make up n hair. deir hair was done sp NICE !! hahas. seriously! but d make up ? .. nahs. kinda, yucks* lols` but it was "mended". tash luked lyk poison ivy, wheras nik luked lyk a princess. but dey both luked really pretty . hees. anywaes, gta wake up early tmr. n it's lyk 2.40am. aites gta go alrdy. tooDLES !! (:

his grandad's still in d hosp fer abt a wik or so. i hope dat his grandad will b fine. his lyk so upset. i dislike it wen his sad. cos den i noe il haf a bad dae. sighs !! sm things i wanna sae, but it js can't b revealed. frens cm n go. but to me, relationships r everlasting. his lyk 98% of my joy. sm frens il def treasure. but those hu're js plaeing i don treasure. those r d frens where i don even classify dem unda real frens. anywaes, i really miss him. nt seeing him fer js 1 dae practically KILLS me !! mayb i stick to him too much. trying o let go is smthing dat's hard to accomplish. it sucks even trying it. even if i had frens dat'll bring me out most of d time ta get my mind off him , i noe dat ultimately at d end of d dae, il still think abt him n miss him so much dat my heart will ache. wateva.
this thurs is d D&D, prom nite. me n jac r d emcees. yays* kinda can't wait ta c ol d graduates dressed up in gorgeous dresses ! hahas. kinda exciting. somore counsillors haf a hotel rm booked js fer dem. 2 hotel rms. unfortunately i can't stae :[ hmpf !! my mum don allow.

dis morn had training. everytime i train it feels so meaningless w/o him ard. i had a glimpse of joy thinking dat he'd cum cos he told me he was on his way. hlf past nine, he hadn't showed up. so i figured he was gonna turn up anymore. i had no mood to train at ol. afta training , no msges or cols frm him at ol. i was so pissed. i coled him n he din pick up. den he msged me ta tell me dat his grandad was being admitted into d hosp. den dat's where i knew, ol d misery n neglectness frm him is gonna cm even more. sighs* why does it gta happen now. im so wishing, no wait, i mean WANTING ! for a chng in him. seriously ! his driving me nuts ! he kips hurting me w/o realisation. sighs* alright ! enuf of him already ! GUESS WAT ?!


I CURLED MY HAIR !

wheees. lols` d curls aren't dat nice. wen i tie my hair, it luks lyk bush ! zzzk* lols` thanks God fer jac, she told me ta use dis particular clip datbse owaes use. thinking of it, it'll luk beta den. has ! sighs* unfortunately i got so many negative comments frm ppl. boohoos*

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away, Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

came back frm camp ytd. met irwan den went hme ard 2plus. i dozed off d moment i rched hme. e1 coled me at abt 11:41pm. den we toked fer awhile den i went to slp agn. den woke up at 8.26am. hahas. i slpet fer lyk 13 hrs. my greatest record. i was too tired lah. din get enuf slp during d camp. nw il tok abt d camp .

day 1
we took a bus to changi den took a boat to pulau ubin. ech grp hadda caryy a jerry can. it was DAMN heavy lahs. we somore hadda wok to d plc frm pulau ubin fer 2hrs. smbody went to throw d jerry can infrnt of d van so mr loh decided to make em carry. but cos it was slowing dem dwn. so we left it at a plc n d van came to pick it up. we rched d plc near d quarry. it was ol rocks. so we were practically slping on rocks. lols` d leaders went into d quarry. didn't jump, js eh dip. cos it was getting late. den dey hadda chng bhind d bushes. no loo dere. counsillors didn't jump. so we didn't bath fer 1 n a hlf daes.

day 2
we woked back to pulau ubin strting area fer 2hrs agn. den we went to jalan bahtra. d campsite was nice. back to civilisation. hahas. so we bathed . FINALLY ! hahas. d grps had games n ol n grp discussion. b4 we went to d cemetry we made dem watch gost stories. it was sm kinda thai movie. damn tooting scary. i din watch. i only hear. lols` scared lahs. den in d nite we went to lim chu kang fer nite wok . we woked to d bus stop fer sbs transport. den d counsillors went to d respective stations to make sure nthing goes wrng. unfortunately only abt 7 ppl did d nite wok. cos dere was a ritual going on. so FREAKY ! really .. d ppl lyk strted to throw paper money everywhere. den d priest strted shaking . des said he went into d dead's body. so scary lahs. dn he suddenly scream . we gta shock lahs. so scary !! den one of d deceased related members told javier to stop ppl frm woking cos it was distracting dem n oso lyk no respect. so we haddas top n wok a BIG rnd back to d strting pint. den we ran 8km run. hahas. cool rite . lols` i ran bhind to pull d slow wans. pull until my tummy pain. cos deir pace too slow. den i had butt cramps leg crapms hand cramps back cramps. everywhere cramps. lols`

day 3
we watched many scary movies. i cant rally rmbr wat we did lahs. lols`

day 4
we went to labourdore adventure centre. a new campsite.d leaders ran d camp . so we can c deir leardership skills. we went to labourdore park to plae games n ol. den in d nite we had a surprise fer d leaders coled d ltc ntie. haha. buffet seh !! lols` den we watched movie till 3 am plus. but so many ppl slping alrdy. den a grp of d counsillor boy draw on alot of ppl's legs. lols` i slpet lyk one of d lastest n dey drew on me. i didn't feel a thing. i was too tired i think. lols`

day 5
GO HME ! WHEEES. HAPPY LYK SHIAT. HAHAS. mr loh discuseed wit me jac n jp abt d sec 4 n 5 dina n dance. prom nite. we ms wear gown ! whheees. so happy sial !

dats ol. x)

my b'dae is in 3 daes time. wad i really wan fer my b'dae .. is to spend it wit d ppl i love. i was hoping dat e1 wld go out wit me during my b'dae. but cos his ga go visiting , so .. i guess i won't b going out wit him den. i wanna go clubbing. but cos he noes hu i'll b going wif, which is y he doesn't wan me to go. it's my b'dae, so im going stl no matter whut. anywaes, ive strted wrk last undae. it was cool !! so tooting fun lahs . hahas. really love it. im doing banquet. at raffles convention centre. the palza or smthng lahs .hahas. training's dis wed n fri. i really can't wait!! i love my new position to bits !

5 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAE !! x))

i retain. sighs* d whole level including na n express, abt 25 plus ppl retain lahs. sighs* stupid lahs !!

ahhs* i lyk tooting love dis song lahs. i wanna learn how to plae d guitar den one dae, il plae it fer e1. x) really gta find smwan to tch me tho. hahas. coyote ugly song , sang by leann rhimes. coyote ugly's a nice show lahs. ROCKS !! hees. anywaes, i've strted wrk last sundae wit jac, k7 n his frens. it rocks! so fun ! whees. hahas. really love d job. on saat im gonna do OT. can't wait man ! :))
todae went out wit e1, happy. bot NEW WALLET n HDFONE POUCH !! yayness* hees.

my exasm haf already strted. gonna end soon. yays* i wasn't really in a gd mood todae. smhow i js can't stop thinking abt todae's math papers. urgh !! math paper 2 was so diff lahs. lyk out od 20 qns, i only noe lyk.. 10 ? n wad if those 10 i don get rite ? .. il fail. nn i don wanna fail my math. i studied. i did . n somore i left out a 8 mark qns. lyk wth man , i feel so toot up lahs. im praying fer a miracle. seriously i am. todae he send me to skul tho he din haf paper in d morn. den he went back. he came skul to fetch me hme den he went back to skul fer his afternoon paper. sweet . anywaes .. i really don wanna retain. il blow my brains off. cos im planning to pass my eng, comb humans, chinese , math n F&N. but unfortuantely, i donoe how to do so many subs.
dis few mnths i haf been trying to find smthing .. smthing to cover up d scars in my heart. trying to pick up d broken pieces of me. it hurts so much to b in dis situation. it hurts lyk hell. n u wanna noe d worse prt ?! YOU ! how many fucking times do i hafta sae ? U DON LISTEN ! WHERE R UR EARS? DO U EVEN HAF ANY ?! LYK WTH MAN !! ISIT FUN TO HURT ME ?! ISIT FUN TO IGNORE ME ? IS DIS A GAME TO U ? I REALLY WISH DAT U'D JUST C DIS !
DEN U'LL NOE. MARK MY WORDS. I'L NVR GO BACK TO U EVA AGN. N EVEN IF I DID, MY FELINGS FER U HAF ALRDY FADED. TOO BAD. JS ACCEPT D FACT DAT I CAN;T STAND U N NEITHER CAN U. TO THINK DAT U WERE D RITE WAN FER ME WEN HONESTLY, U'RE NOT. N I DON REGRETT DOING WADEVA I JS DID. FUCK OFF MY LIFE N DON EVA CM BACK. YOU ARE D DEATH OF ME ! YOU HURT MY FUCKING HEART ! THANKS TO YOU .. DUDE !

todae me n jac was d mc fer d briefing of d graduating classes. i was really scared. but den again.. i got over it. x)) it was a great experince . but i din sae much words thos. me n ac will b the prehost fer d grad nite. can't wait lahs ! x)) whees. wen i was toking i was refraining frm luking at irwan. lols` cos i noe dat i will luff :))

im trying real hard to let go . but u're restricting me from doing so. doesn't it eva get to u how hurting it is to cont dis path wif u wen it seems lyk dere's nthing much we can do anymore. smhow sayings n quotes are kinda true if u think abt it. for eg , if u're too close to ur stead, u tend to demand more, u get angry ova small things n strt to quarrel. dtas exactly how we r. don u c it ? wad do i hafta do to open ur eyes ? im a liar i noe. i deceive myself in saying dat i can let go of u, i wan to n all. but honestly, i don't. i can't live w/o u. my life will b a bore w/o u. i wldn'tnoe wadda do w/o u. n to think dat u'd b so dumb to actually believe dat i can live w/o u. i used to hate it or gte angry wen ppl sae dat i surely can't live w/o u. do u noe wad dat is lyk ? to b criticised by ur own frens ova ur own personal life. cos honestly, dat sucks. im trying real hard to get u off my mind. but everytime i do, u cm back haunting me. it's killing me in d inside . it's burning up all my sense of elation. i don't noe wadda do anymore. i've been hinting u abt our relationship going to zilch. but u nvr do tk it seriously do u? it's nt even normal fer one to love anotha in pain . many mnths has oready passed .. wad more do u wan . im not okay . im not .

i haven been on d comp lately. im busy .. busy slping. lols` i on't noe why i kip slping so early. n wen i say early .. it's really damn early. i lyk slp frm 4 plus till nxt morn where i wake up n go to skul. lols` so pig rite ? den wen i wanna do my hmwrk or study.. i can't. cos im slping. gta discipline myself man !! x) anywaes todae went jamming wit e1 frens n all. den went to bishan cos i hadda buy smthing. ended up watching a movie cos he felt weak n it was lyk 5.22pm den. so i bot 2 tickets n wtach " john tucker must die " . d movie strs at 5.20pm. so it was lyk a quick decision. so wen we're watching it'll kip him off his mind frm fd n by d tyme we finish watching it'll b 7 n he can eat. 7.02 d movie ended. d movie rocks. js dat d last prt was kinda awkard. watch it !! it rocks ! x)) anywaes.. dis thurs me n jac gonna breif d upper sec on deir grad nite. how'd i feel ? .. don ask. im scared. scared to death !! so so so so nervous lahs ! ahhs* x)) but happy. nervous. happy nervous. x)

yayness* finally got hold of a job i wanna tk. anyhoos, kaeseven ( i don care,i create my own version ) hlp me. hopefully il get d job thos. x)) really praying wishing hoping real hard ! really nidda job in d hols. earn more money. fer chirstmas .. n b'daes too. im pretty damn tired dis few daes. donoe why. i can slp fer hours lahs. ytd i slpet frm 5 plus all d wae till d nxt morn. den i woke up at 6am to bathe so dat i haf more time to dry my hair. todae i guess im only free in d afternoon cos i haf tution in d nite. n it owaes ends so late lahs. nvm` i hope my cough will b gone soon. it's gifing me eh headache . blehs * toodles ! :)) hees.

ahhs * todae had eng oral wit mdm repma. lian went out of skul js ta buy smthing n told me she saw irwan. i was lyk .. WHAT ??! i told him to cm at 3pm .nt afta skul . den i tot .. nvm. i felt touched anywaes. cos i din wan him to wait fer very long .. so i js switched wit d very frnt ppl. mdm prema said i did good .. n well done. but js one thing .. i tok to fast. b4 she even said dat i was thinking if she'd sae dat. n yes she did. lols` expected.
n guess wad ? wen i woked outta skul .. he was NOWHERE to be seen ! wanna noe where he went ? to his grdma plc. i wasted my time chgning wit smwan else lahs. nvm . at least he hadda go hme fer a cause. so afta dat he coled me den i went out to mit him agn .
wednesdae my mum's gonna mit me n irwan fer lunch. i donoe whether im scared nervous or happy . i think all lahs. lols` i noe fer sure dat his scared . x)) hahas. TORTURE !!

todae was irwan's b'dae . woke up early at 5am. den rched d braddell mrt station at 5.21am. i din noe dat mrt stations open at 6am. d train came at 6.01am. by d tyme i rched he woking to d ang mo kio mrt station alrdy. so i js scared him. he said he gta shock wen he saw me. lols` den we went to tp to eat macs. den afta skul, we went hme to chng den go out agn. bot lotsa things. bot rai's pressie, jh's pressie , louis pressie, n lastly, IRWAN'S PRESSIES !! x) lols` bot fer rai a bus-stop shirt. damn nice ! brown colour wit printings. den fer jh a hairband she wanted. n fer louis a tee. den fer irwan, brot him everywhere to shop. bot him a freshbox tee, a pascade tee, shoe, n a zippo lighter. he was damn happy wen i bot d zippo lighter. he saes he has been wanting it fer years. well, fer all i noe .. i spent more den $200 on him n other pressies. x)) i love him so much !
:)) hahas. lalalas` so tired now sial.

i cut my hair todae ! yeepees* lols. i cut it ard shoulder length. so dats a really BIG difference lahs. cos it's lyk damnn short. but nvm .. it'll grow. i wanna curl my hair afta my final yr xams. my hair will b d perfect length i wan it to be by den. n il curl it. x)) lalalas` tmr's his b'dae. gonna do sm surprises fer him :)) . i feel lyk im more xcited den him. lols` wadeva. gonna wake p at 5am tmr early in d morning. todae tried nt to do anything to quarrell wit him . so i made him luff. hahas. x) can't wait till tmr sial.

YAYNESS* I GOT TO PLAY CATCHER TODAE ! SO HAPPY SIAL ! WHEESX . MY DREAM CM TRUE. COACH GONNA TRAIN ME TO BCM A CATCHER ! WHEESX . HAHAS. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE DAT I AM BLUR !! X))

urghs* smthing wrng wit msn. so irritating lahs. nvm. anyhoos, my oral is postponed to nxt mondae. lalala` happy sial. lols` den somore todae during training, coach lemme be a CATCHER !! ahhs* im so TOOTING HAPPY lahs. hahas. she wans me to train to bcum one. ah .. d moment of bliss has finally cm. my dream has been fulfilled. or rather, on it's way to bcming a perfection. x)) todae we plaed game. den coach ask me to b catcher. train me. den i wear all d guards n stuff. can't breathe lahs. den i was kinda blur lahs. so coach like " scolded " me. im new. so it does tk time :)) . i lyk stink now. hopefully i don get any pimples wearing d catcher's helmet.
HOPEFULLY ! :) yeahs. anywaes,i can't wait till dis cming fridae. cos it's E1's BIRTHDAE ! whheees. lols` i don even noe y im happy wen it's nt lyk my burfdae. but wadeva. cos im going out wit him. n i can wear mynew clothes ! we can go shopping ! wheesx . but sadly, shop fer HIS things. nt mine. it's his dae mahs. hees.

d BBQ fer e1 was successful. :) he had 2 daes. 1 dae fer his malay frens , d other dae fer d softballers. unfortunately i cldn't go on d 1st dae, so .. went on d 2nd dae wit d softballers ! but it was a pretty damn bad dae. it kept raining. i was drenched. n i was tooting cold lahs. but thank God e1 din fall sick :) . rain until so heavy somore. lucky i brot a new chng of clothes. i bathed afta d rain. but by d time i finished bathing almost everywan left. den left me nepalese n e1. den me n e1 went off first. he was really tired. cos he stayed ova nite on d 1st dae . really hope dis yr will b his best yr. a brand new yr :)

fer d pass few daes haf been going out shopping wit my mum, eating at expensive restaurants. lols` poshh daes. x)) bot lotsa stuff. mum bot lotsa things fer me, sisters n bro. she bot fer me afew clothes frm U2, chade, abrcreme n frigde .. all dese brands r really ex. she bot me a pair of shoes too. love it . love everything she bot fer me :)) smiles* lalala`
e1's b'dae is cming soon. fridae. going out with him to celeb with him. really hope dat he will chng n mean wadeva he saes strting frm 15 sept . a new fresh strt. x)

lalala` so happy. his really chnging . x) went out wit him todae. watched the devil wears prada . really nice show lahs. hees. all dat matters is dat at least i got to spent time wif him. dats wad mtters to me d most ! lalalas*

smhow i don even noe y im so hurt by dis even tho it doesn't really lyk concern me. im shocked yes. i used to haf d belief dat dere's no such things as bestfrens. i nvr did haf wan until sec skul. i only counted my frens as close or good frens. nvr listed as bestfrens . rite now, i rather stick to my belief . cos smhow i now noe dat it's true. wadeva. i choose to believe in dat n dat'll nvr chng. i may b offensive, but u asked fer it. i hate it wen ppl ignore me. if u don wanna tok to me cos of smthing , den js sae so. don do it w/o telling me. put urself into d shoes of d person u're ignoring b4 u do it to em. getta taste of how sucky it feels lyk . wadeva. i can't b bothered anymore.

just came back frm the leadership course camp . it was not bad lahs. it was kind of like a review to me cos at LTC camp we were already being taught most of the things. it was quite fun . i was so tired lahs. towards d nite denw as even more xciting but scary. cos basically mr loh were telling us scary stories n afta dat we went up to d AVA rm abt 10pm+ to watch incredible tales. wen mr loh said we were gonna watch incredible tales, i tot it was dat cartoon movie. so dumb lahs. lols` n somore i hate to watch scary movies. im d type dat'll freak out n it'll stick to my mind which adds on more to my fears. i din watch d scray parts lahs. i sat bside jac den i moved to d seat bhind to sit wit irfan n justin cos i was scared. den weneva d scary prt cming irfan wld tell me not to luk. hahas. den my grp was being coled out . we wore blindfolders n took a pen n candle. dey blindfolded us n seperated us ech on d way. we took out our blind folds, dey lit our candle, n started writing out wad we'd learn today. i cldn't even c wad i was writing. i was scared. hahas. den cos i wrie finish alrdy so i dcided to burn my paper. but not d wordslahs. but sadly wen dey moved me n qian yin tgth in a loo alone sitting in d dark, i accidentaly burnt a hole inside my paper. den i was bored so decided to tk qy's paper n burnt. lols` lame lahs inoe. i was bored lahs. hahas. second dae, in d nite dey blindfolded us inside d bus n we hadda listen to incredibla tales. to watch, listen. every counsillor can only sit at 1 seat ech. no counsillor ms b seating bside us. d aircon was rite above us n dey blasted it. so cold lahs. somore d journey dere was like so long. lols` den wen we rched we took out our blindfolds. guess where were we at ? .. old changi hospital. it was so so damn dark. we hadda get a torchlite. it was so scary. woked in as a grp n in pairs. jac n i hold hands. she made me scared wen she scream. i was luffing. kinda funny lahs. den afta dat we woked to change village to eat. hahas. so cool lahs. d last dae d facilitators cry n sm of d jnr counsillors oso cry. hahas. so touching. x)) d camp rox. den afta d whole i thing i went to meet MY dear dear !! he so swit lahs ! he waiting outside skul, dat i knew. he bot me mars bar choc n M&Ms ! big big packet. den he somore bot me a B.U.M sleeveless top . LOVE it !! i was so happy ta c him . i hugged him. hahas. love him to bits. x)) lalala`

teacher's day is tmr !! x)) lalalas* concert's tmr ! n aces dae is tmr . cca counsillors gonna do d aces dae duty :) i'm in love wit a song coled " coin-operated boy" !! by d dresen dolls .

todae was d rehearsal fer d cher's dae. lols` d performances r d BEST compared to d other years. honestly, wait fer dis cming thurs. d performances will blow u awae. trust me. hahas. it's tooting nice lahs. seriously !! lalala` love d storm performance n d opening finale n d ending. rocks. seriously. it's dance. damn nice. high skul musical .hahas. x))

sucha tiny prob turns into sucha huge snowball. had sm family probs. im sure like almost every noes alrdy lahs. i was so " pissed " wen i found out dat many ppl knew. ppl hu not even close to me noe lahs. like wth. nvm. things r not really all alright. yeahs. wadeva lahs. don wanna think abt it. thinking abt it kinda pulls me down. makes me feel so sad.
anywaes, so glad dat go highest in class fer ss wit 2 toha peeps. think it's d 2nd highest in d whole level. cos 13's d highest. chinese i passed ! ahs* so happy lahs. lols`

i was late fer skul todae. waiting fer him until late. hahas. its okaes. i don mind cos it's him. lols` quite alot of ppl were late. i was like so afraid dat i wld b d only one or smthing lahs. den SMWAN cheated. escape frm detention. sae not late. donoe wad lahs. hahas. teehees* anywaes.. like so many sec 5s sit fer awhile in detention den go off. cos sm is mr yew col dem den sm donoe wad lahs. ms kahvitah took d detention class . i so badly want my chinese marks back lahs. n of all times, mdm wong choose not to cm todae !! so PISSED !! i wan my tooting papers. hahas. i wan my marks. x( hmpf* tmr getting back my eng paper !! screams * so excited !! whhheeesx.
can't wait man ! lalala` madness :)) during chinese lesson i was so upset. cos e1 din cm. n wen i asked if i cld mit him thru claris , thru bin quan .. he said can't. dats wad i heard. i had no mood almost d whole dae. din wanna show it. den afta skul i used kel's fone to col him. den he said he can mit me. smhow d msg interpreted to m was diff. but anywae its gd. den js he coled me sae he can't mit me :( BOOS !! but den again sm ppl spoiled my mood even more during recess n den agn afta skul. seriously, if u guys don even noe den shut d fcuk up !! i js wish dat u guys will get outta my personal life. nobody invited u in anywae. it's my life. not urs. so bugger off. thanks fer ruining my dae. rite now i still feel hurt by wad u guys actually said. did u think dat i took it cooly ? pls ! i was faking it. seriously u didn't haf to add on to my misery. smhow i js can't forget wad u guys said. it's tooting hurting lahs. like wtf . wadever. screw u *

ahhs* i failed my combine science. lols` okaes. wadeva. im not really good at science anyways. but fer final yr xam, il definately study real hardd !! my physics is totally pathetic lahs. so pissed. i wrote dwn all d rite ans .. if only i hadn't erased/liquid awae my answers. den mabbe at least il get a js pass. dumb . i noe. chem, got F9. practically cos dat chapter dat we're being tested on ain't easy. donoe wad chemical calculations n sm other things lahs. lalala` can't wait fer tmr's ss !! i LOVE ss ! hahas. can't wai to get back my math n eng paper. plus ss too ! :) toodles*

things r sorta fine now i guess . i wish i js could haf at least one full dae with u where no worries or disturbs will cm. just me n you tgth. dats all i ask for. but i noe dats too much to ask for. cos i noe dat it'll nvr cm my wae. no matter how much i pray n wish, it js will nvr cm. woked hme in misery filled with tears in my eyes. held it back. smtymes i js think dat u're asking so much of me. i donoe how to tell u. i wan u to b happy. i just don get u at all. i sneaked out todae even tho i was grounded. u knew dat. but we had to end d dae with a quarell. no hugs nor kiss. js a luk of angst. i haf no sense of direction. im sure u noe dat very well. but u din cm afta me, again. u sae u care , u sae u love me. but y isit dat i don feel like u do. y isit dat u're all tok.. no action at all . it's so heartbrking hafing to owaes force myself to believe u in d things dat u sae. i js wan one dae with you. where everything's nice n fine. no quarells or anything negative. js one fucking positive dae with u.

dis is one of d SWEETEST AND ROCKINGG days of mah life !! :))) everytime i wok out of d hse going to skul, i owaes hope dat i my bf will surprise me by waiting fer me at my estate dere. dats y i owaes luk fer him, even tho i noe dat he wun b dere. but todae, i went out of my hse, as usual .. filled with grief and sadness. noeing dat my boyfriend is in d hospital, hu has already been dischagred. even den his still not completely well yet. i got dwn onto the 232 bus n saw him sitting at d bus-stop. d moment i saw him, i smiled. i was so happy like shit !! x)) wheesx .. my class peeps luked at me wen i woked in n said " happy lahs .. e1 cum back skul rite ." hahas.i was so happy. i was smiling . todae im so happy. lalala` im so happy dat his backk !! hees. =) okae lahs . i LOVE him ta bits ! toadae he brot me to shop & safe n took so many chocs to buy fer me den i asked him " you very rich ahs .. buy so many things. " he replied " no lahs. wanna buy for you mahs.. " i said " wahh. u cm out of f hospital so much $$. go back to d hospital. " he bot me most of my fav chocs. he asked me to go out wit him tmr. BOOHOOS !!!!! im so so SAD !! cos i can't go out ! im grounded till d end of dis mnth !! :(

BLASTT UR STEREOS !! x)) hahas. i love dis song. so cool lahs. lols` tokyo drift soundtrack song. i wanna watch click, the break up, tokyo drift, and nacho libre. so many movies i wanna watch. todae's CT paper was mathematics. whines-* i knew how to do those qns dat ca really score and i had no tyme to do em. i left like 3 qns i din do lahs .. urghs ! n i did quite afew careless mistakes. really praying that i'll pass my mathematics. tmr' physics and chem. lata gonna study. has` haven even strted alittle lahs. lols ` lalala*
a pretense of emotions to kip you in the dark -`

2 days ago was d x-country. it was said to b a really hot day then. first tyme running in d B division. i was so afraid .. nervous. cos i wanted to get top 5. n i tot dat sm of d fast runners were running, but dey weren't. sm doing counsler duty, n d sec4s don hafta cm cos dey haf d eng oral. so dere were like fewer competitors i was against. running half wae i kinda got really tired cldn't go on. until d highway i woked awhiile den run. but eevry tyme i wanna tk a rest for awhile to wok, i turn bhind n i c charmaine bhind me. so i kept on telling myself i can do it. until d turning point, up d slope dere i felt lyk vomitting. i "cried" . den i ran until d finishing line. got 3rd. yay ! hahas. den d senior boys, i was cheering fer sm otha ppl too. waited fer e1. den saw him running, d moment he ran pass me knew smthing was wrng wit him. d wae he run lyk got smthing wrng. n he fainted rite infrnt of d cones.he was 4th. but wen he fainted he dropped to 9th. ppl hlped him up, but he cldnt get up cos he was unconcious. half of him was concious. he crawled near to d finishing line n fell agn. seeing him crawl i felt so sad. wanted to hlp him but wasn't allowed. in d end mr loh n sm others carried him across d line. he was sent to d hospital. den i n louis took a cab dwn. i wanted to receive my prize .. if he was dere. but he fainted. so yeahs. i gotta shock wen he fainted. i stood still , didn't noe wadda do. in d end i went a him lahs. todae his being discharged frm d hospital. so happy for him !! hahas. visited him fer d past 2 daes. his frens all came too. so many ppl. 22 came on d first dae. rest were his relatives. mr kong came to d hospital to gif me n e1 d medal. so nice lahs !! beta den last yrs wan. real metal. x))

im glad his okae now. he msged ashraf to tell me : " tell nad thanks fer everything. she's the best girl i've eva got. tell her thanks for being with me all dis tyme. love her.. " so funae lahs. at least den i was happier. now i js got anotha prob to settle. nvm. anywae, my hdfone line is cut . so can;t use it anymore. im so tired. haven had a gd slp. todae strts CT. todae is eng paper. not so bad lahs. i am praying for distinction. i wanna get top :)) high expectations of myself. lalala` i miss him so much !! i love him too !

ytd got d firwrks at esplanade. wen wit e1 but we quarelled n ended up watching alone. den he wenta find his frens. he dn even botha a find me. so irraitating. he made me so pissed. afta dat i coled him cos i wanna tok to him . so wen ta find me. n i kept beating him cos he really pissed me. anywaes we're okae alrdy .. but smhow i still feel so sad n hurt. i donoe why .
here's sm of our pics at we took tgth .. :)) enjoy

IM SO HAPPY !! YES I AM ! :))) let me blow u awae wit my thrillion smiles !! hees` x)) e1 really has chnged. :) im happy like toot. he did sm things which he has been hiding frm me fer a few wiks. n he confessed ta me b4 ytd. i can't sae wad he did .. but i forgave him. but i was upset wit him. i met him d nxt dae to haf dina wit him. i gotta shock wen i saw him. he wore so formal. i was like wearing hme clothes. worse den casual. sucha outkast. lols` he combed his hair to one side, so neat lahs. so hadnsm. faints-* lols` sm things i ought not haf done but did. but i did it for a reason. n its nvr gonna happen again eva ! i promise . he promised me too. he told his frens not to tell me abt wad he did. i tot so anywae. nihoos, later dere's firwrks. donoe wad italy firewrks. den tmr dere's france firewrks. kinda cool. wanna go c. later gonna c wit irwan. =) finally lahs . lols` going ard 5 plus . im really happy now. i wanna stae lyk dis fereva wit him. im praying n wishingg dat my happiness won't b drained out by sadness n hurt. cos im happy where i m now tgth with him. he makes me really happy . his my prince -* i love him so SO MUCH . his lyk my happiness. no wait. he IS my happiness !! whhheeesx ` my hunaye n i !! he may not b my longest stead, but his the best stead eva ! we're on our wae to b d longest stead. halfway dere. =)) heesx. lalala-` i don care wad ppl think or sae abt me , i don gif a shit. sae wad u wanna sae it doesn't affect me. but if u take him awae frm me, mark my wrds. u'll b getting hell frm me.

sm girl took him awae frm me once. n now im not frens wit u. i don even wanna b frens wit u. u backstabbed me n i hate backstabbers. u did many things bhind my back thinking i wldn't noe. r u dat dumb to think dat i wldn't find out ? but still in d end i did. now i hate you. cos u took him awae frm me. even tho its partly his fault, i blame you too. sm ppl used to tell me nvr to share any secrets wit u cos u're a bigmouth. but i didn't tk dem fer real cos i really liked you n rite now , i don. seeing u spoils my mood.

honestly, i still m hurt by dat very act d both of u did. cos u two were once a couple. hafing to pretend its okae weneva i c her is like cutting my wrist , my insides screaming out ur name in anger. dats how i feel. but its ova. so il leddit go . i let it go cos of e1. cos i love him.

everytime we hafta go out you owaes cancle on me. every single time. you don even noe how it feels like to be so happy at first thinking dat i can go out with you. but towards d ending you tell me dat you can't go out wit me cos you haf other plans. it really hurts. mondae was our 2nd mnth anniversary n you cldn't go cos you haf rehearsal n i had training n i wldn't mind not going for you. but i can't n i understand n i don mind. tuesdae we were supposed to go out but u had other plans with ur frens. nvm abt dat cos ur frens asked you first. den wednesdae we were supposed to go out but ur dad din let you cos you hadda go for ur family outting. so nvm. den thurs, which is tmr .. you can't. or rather cos you haf to make ur passport its a must. n u wanna mit me afta dat but i don wanna cos by d tyme u mit me, it'll b so late alrdy . so wads the use of miting me for such a short while. not worth it. i wanna go out with the whole dae not js half a dae. urghhs` it really shattered my heart. i really wanna go out with you. i really do. i haven't had the tyme to be with you to see you or to hug/kiss you. i really miss you so much. i wanna be with you to spent time with you. but you owaes haf plans. it really really hurts so badly noeing not to go out with you. i don even noe why im crying lahs .. f***

haf been trying to contact him since js now until now. i feel so frustrated wit him. hais-* i wanted to go out wit him todae but cos his frens alrdy asked him first so he went out wit dem. d tone of ur voice wen i asked u to go out wit me u sounded so sad like so reluctant. dats y i let u go. our 2nd mnth anniversary we din even celebrate, i only got to b wit u fer 1 hr 30 mins. dats tooting short. nvm. but u did make me happy ytd. todae u din. u made me feel so sad. dats y d whole afternoon i slept. n i js woke up. i feel so stupid. y do i owaes hafta cry ova u ? .. tmr u can't go out wit me to watch d fireworks. i've been waiting since last yr to watch wit u cos last yr u watched it wit ur frens. dis yr u were supposed to watch wit ur frens which made me really upset . everything u do u ms do it wit ur frens. don u eva think abt me first .

ytd i tot dat maybe we are gonna b okae. bcos u said :" i will chng, i promise. dis tyme i promise u n i mean it." it took me really long to convince myself dat il trust u dis tyme. but u shattered my heart agn. smtymes i wish u had no frens at all . but too bad, im not so heartless. it doesn't matter if u donoe wad i did fer u todae. i js wish dat one dae wen u find out, dat'll b d dae u strt treating me like YOUR GIRLFRIEND. i really donoe why i let myself trust u agn. honetsly, dere were firwrks js now. i felt so demoralised. so sad. cos i've owaes wanted to watch d firwrks wit my boyfren. n js wen i tot i cld, it was being snatched awae frm d palm of my hands. i guess i wun b seeing u or toking to u dat much anymore. u're js too busy . u hurt me so deeply dat d scars u created will owaes remain in my heart. d 2 cuts on my hand, everytyme i luk at it i feel so stupid. i owaes think , y did i cut myself. i feel so dumb. cos d scar will owaes b dere. n last nite smwan toked to me n said smthing to me which smhow i din noe y but it really touched me n woke me up . eyes were watery wen he said dat. he told me y shld not do things to myself like cutting or brusing myself. thanks :))

i believe dat 'll chng dis tyme. i don't noe y im trudting u dis tyme , but i noe dat everywan ought to haf a second chance. fer u , a thrillion hances. hahas. wells , i do wan things to wrk out btwn us of cos. i js wan us to last , dats all. but not js fer d sake of us being long tgth. dat wun b worth it. but fer us to love one anotha whole heartedly. n be happy too. dat'll b bliss to me. =)) cos i love u so -*

anywaes todae had foto tking. first wan was d cca counslers wan. gosh ` im like d 2nd shortest amongst d cca couslers juniors. so malu. lols` den we took a pic. den afta recess tk agn fer class foto. im d shortest. x( not 2nd but 1st. lols` i realy ms grow tall. i din noe i'd b d shortest. can't blame me, it runs in d family. hahas. d x-country's cuming soon ! ahs-*im scared ta death. cos like i really wanna b in d top 10 n fer d b division n in dat division i've got so many competitors. ahhs-* really hope i get top 10 . my stomache beta not gimme probs. but smhow i noe it wld. i js wish dat my stomache wldn't owaes b d one dat goes koyak. hahas. cos once my tummy's pain i can't run . i haf ta jog. which slows me dwn. oh wells. hopefully, m praying. hahas. =)) lalala` so happy ! my ss test gt 10/12. my n theo gonna compete fer d CT . c hu get highest. :))

had d national dae pardade rehearsal again. lols` so BORING !! oh wells. den aftadat wen fer training, but alrdy ended. hahas. phew-* smthing happened ta 2 of d softballers so d timing was dragged. den afta dat prob was settled den FINALLY went ta kfc to eat . it was alrdy like going 8pm wen we were at d bus stop.so funny lahs d nepalese. kept luffing n luffing.i LOVE dem to bits. so comical. by d time i rched hme, it was alrdy 9:43pm. mum "scolded" me. im kinda grounded. can't watch tv, tok on d fone, or use d comp. im using it now cos i smuggled into d comp witout her notice. SMART ain't i ? .. x) iROCK -* lalala` smhow his strting to chng fer d beta alrdy. im GLAD. im js praying dat he'll b nice to be js as he is now, foreva ! :)) smiles-` todae trainng saw dem doing diamond drill . urghh !! i wanted to do diamond drill ! dangg -* nvm. mebbe nxt fridae i guess. anyhOos, im kinda tired now. tmr going out wit e1 n frens jamming. js hlp dem n stuff. cos deir're a new band. e1's sorta like deir coach. all 3 bands in d ndp parade got in. dats good news. mebbe dats y his so elated n so gud to me dis few daes. hope he staes liddat till eternity.

i don haf mah fone. my mum took it awae .. again. lols` oks. anywaes, ate at KFC wit e1 todae. mum wans to c my cher dis tues. urgh` so pissed wit her. nvm. watched d soccer match between chers n students. kinda xciting i guess. quite a nice game ta watch. at least not so boring. e1 came back to skul to find me cos me n nepalese nurul jh kinda pulled a trick on him. i influenced dem into. :)) oks. gtg. i not supposed ta use d comp. my mum n bro eating durian outside. YUCKS !! stinkss -*

todae so cold !! mum wanted ta send me to skul but cos i tot i was mitning him so said no. hais` he din even turn up. nvm. todae afta skul he like so swit. he send me to d bus stop. den he kissed me on d cheek . hahas. FAINTS-* den i told him ' cum i kiss ur pimple face'. hahas. den he luff. i LOVE it wen he smiles. so CUTE !! wheesx .. so adorable !! :)) i LOVE him. haha. nxt mon i going out wif him . cos its our 2 mnth. hahas. i nearly forgot. he gonna watch wit me firworks on national dae. like FINALLY. but cos i ask him wan. he was supposed ta watch wit his frens. n he din even think of watching it wit me. i was tooting moody ytd . cos he watched wit his frens last yr n dis yr he going wit dem agn. i feel like his frens r his steads liddat. he treats dem beta den me n r closer ta dem. yup. hoping dat he'll chng. HOPING ! x)) lalala`

chnged backgrd song n everything. will be chning d backgrd agn. don really like it , its kinda small. so bored at hme todae !! :( nothingg much ta do. hais` alrghts. he din msg me or col me. only afta i msged him den he msg me. told me dat he gonna go out wif his frens den go jamming . urgh` like wadeva. do i care ? i donoe neither do i wanna answer dat qns. do waeva u wan my opinion will make u pissed anywae. im last in ur list. don piss me off. make my dae. no don , u'll only make it worse. tata`

a song i wrote just last month .. i thinkk . ((:

as i lean against dis cold hard wall
my heart is torn into peices
as i sit in one corner and cry, will you pass me by ?
i feel so helpless for dere's nothing i can do

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt by u anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

will i ever be loved by u ?
is dere anyway to be made whole again ?
if im new renewed again will i be sure not to be hurt again ?
my heart is aching

am i not gud enuf for u ?
tell me wad's wrong with us ?
why can't we get along and strt anew ?
i don't wanna be hurt anymore
i need some time alone
all i ask of u is to let me go

dats bout it. if it's weirdd , den sorry. dis song was written in one of d darkest moment of my life.
to b hurt by d person dat i love ova n ova again. not realising dat im hurting myself by allowing all dis things to happen. nothing i can do or sae .. it has turned me into a diff person. smtymes i don even noe hu i m anymore. oh wells . x))

todae i had training. i hadda tk sm equipments out to d field where d soccer boys were at. dey were sitting at d usual plc dey owaes seat,on d track. den sumi ran off to do donoe wadd. left me alone to pull d pail of balls n bats. it nearly toppled lahs . den dey were sitting dere luking. i felt so embarassed. den wen i had to lift d pail into d field den dey kip saying me. viknesh was one of em. den i said in tamil ' sutala ping pong ' to naresh. js wanted to noe if he knew d phrase. den viknesh luff. den stupid naresh strted scolding me in tamil. i was like wadeva. and anywae b4 i went into d field d soccer boys kip saying me. one afta anotha. at first i din mind.. until wen i was running dey added more things which kinda pissed me off alittle . urgghh -* d moment i thinkk of it i feel like using a bat to whack all of em. dis typa thing oso so fun to tease. so DUMB !! lols` seriously, k lahs.. thinkingg of it pisses me off.

din c k7 training on d field so asked him where he was at. den afta training he was at d shop n save dere. i din noe dat. i tot dat he was at d void deck or smthingg lahs .. hais` he said hi n gave a smile to me n e1. i felt so bad cos e1 gave attitude. rite now i feel really bad n i feel like k7`s mad at me. e1 was jealous but dere was nothing i cld do. i only made it worse wen we were goingg back. cos he said smthing abt k7. n everything dat e1 said i kept defending k7. n e1 got mad cos he said y i kip defending him . so i js kept quiet den said dat it isn't k7's fault. den e1 said shhsed me. n told me not to tok abt it cos if not we'll quarrell agn. i noe k7's angry wit me. i js wanted to sae sorry if his angry wif me. im really sorry . i din mean ta make u mad or anything. i js feel tooting bad now. hais` =(

went fer our skul's ndp rehearsal todae to hlp out(AVA). we were setting up d mikes n stuff, hafta test d mike if it's working, i din noe dey oned it n iwas like playing wit d mike saying ' nadine rocks nadine rocks' NON-STOP !! n dey suddenly on d mike, n i said it so loud den ppl were like luking at me. lols` den dat harris cum n ji siao me. but still, its a FACT dat nadineROCKS ! :))) lalala` stupidd . x)) so tooting boring lahs d rehearsal .. i rather do smthing ekse like watching tv rather den do dis. den dere were 3 bands waiting to audition on hu will get in. end up cos all 3 bands don haf drum set, so todae's rehearsal fer dem canceled. lols. n dey waited frm skul end until nearly 6. fer d bands, it will b postponed ta anotha dae. i hope dat e1's band` black academies will get in. he wans it so badly. he'll b really overjoyed if his band gets in :))) il b happy fer him. i wan him to b happy. x)) yups.

smhow im so in LOVE wit dis chinese song sang by donoe hu, but title coled zhi dui ni shuo !! ahhhs` faints-* its such a NICE songg. actually i only like d chorus ! :)))
saRangg hae yo zhi duii ni shuo ` i will lOve eu n fereva moRe ..

[saRangg hae yo means ii lOve eu]] -*

d feeling of loving smwan so much n being wif him fer so long feels so gud bcos i've been wit him fer so long. along d way we haf obstacles n we breakdwn but we pick orselves up agn n strt frm where we stopped.

its been a few mnths n d bickering n squabbling between d both of us nvr seems to end. we broke n patched many tymes . everytyme we broke my heart shattered into pieces n i felt like my happiness has turned into sadness. wen we patched back tgth .. my sadness bcums a sense of happiness. i don wan anything to happen to our relationship. i love him so much to let him go agn. i've decided to spent d rest of my life wit him n only HIM. im sorry if i've eva hurt u but i nvr did mean to hurt u. i js wan to b loved by u n to b cared by u even more. i feel insecure wit u. everytyme we quarell my world falls aprt.

now anotha girls n guys cums into d picture n sm of em breaks us dwn. but still we forgif ech otha n we choose to trust ech otha. but todae, d things u said to me out of anger left we speechless. has ur trust in me faded awae ? .. i've nvr eva lied to u b4 . mayb i did a few tymes , but darling dat was a long tyme ago. n i nvr did it agn eva since. i don wanna hurt u anymre cos i noe wad it feels like. everywan noes wad d feeling is like , it SUCKS ! wen i hear ur voice, it draws a smile on my face. d sense of elation in my heart, d inside of me screaming out ur name.

dere's dis guy guy hu admitted dat he likes me, n at first i didn't believe him until he bcam really serious abt it. i was shocked, yes. i didn't wan to tell u at first cos i tot dat u mite b angry n i wasn't so sure yet. d dae i knew d truth i told u d nxt dae. its not cos i wan u to b jealous or anything. but it's cos i don wanna hide anything frm u bcos u're my boyfriend n i don think dat it is rite fer me to hide anything frm u. i told dat uy dat im sorry but we can only frens cos i love my boyfriend n i don wanna do anything to hurt him. dat guy was sad, yes. but he understood. now we r js close frens. n i hope u don mind e1. cos i noe where not to cross d line. u don hafta worry cos we r js close frens now. trust me. i don wan us to fall aprt js bcos of all dis. i wan us to stick like superglue.

one last thing, i love u n only u. todae onwards, wadeva u sae il do. il try all waes n means to make u happy n not o hurt u. but if in anywae i haf hurt u, im sorry. all i ask for is for u to love n care fer me. for us to b close like d elephant supaglue. i love being close to u . it makes me elated.
i LOVE u alot !!

[irwanad] -* couples fereva`

hais. d feeling of not toking to him fer 1 dae maakes me miss him so much !! i really miss him so much. i really do. i js love him so much. dats y i wan us to last. cos i j love him so much. :)) i really do. nowan can tear us aprt. i js love u so much. :))

hais. i really really donoe wadda do. i don wanna do or sae anything anymore. todae i was supposed ta go jamming wit his frens n him . i got ready n was alrdy at d bus stop. but he din even msg me or col me at all . so i msged his fren n ask if d jamming waas still on. n actually it was cancled. i was tooting pissed. i coled him n he js woke up. it was 1 plus lahs . urghhs ! n he still can sae ' u get angry ova such a small little thing for wad ? ' like wtf lahs .. u din even tell me dat u cancled d outing u told all ur frens xcept me. n u still can sae dat. n u tk so lng to sae sorry to me. wtf is wrng wit u. y isit dat u ms owaes OWAES hurt me. yes i put dwn ur col cos u really pissed me off. n u expect me to col u back cos put dwn ur col ?? u put dwn on me owaes wen we quarell n i OWAES col u back. n now wen its ur fault i hafta col u back?? u donoe wad its like to b deeply hurt ova n ova agn. n i hafta do everything ur way. it hurts so much ! wad is wrng wit u lahs . n u don even botha to col me back. u don even botha ta msg me. everydae i live in sadness. hurt by u ova n ova agn. i don even noe y im crying now. god ! i js wished dat i'd nvr et u. everytyme u sae u'll chng, u wun. honestly im hurt by u SO MUCH .

i haf a bestfren hu undastands me so much. his like everything dat i wan in a guy. but he can only b my bestfren n nothing more. his d only wan hu undastands me. its sad to sae dat my own boyfren doesn't even undastand me at all.

ytd went ta d s'pore idol thingy. we got free tickets ta go. smwan gave mr kamil 150 tickets. n he gave to d students n chers. so cool !me, naplese, jh, py n zana went tgth. dey all met at my hse. dey make so much noise lahs .. hahas. we tot we were gonna b late so took a cab dwn. we got into d mediacorp theatre n we were sitting rite bhind d JAY FANS !! sadly we weren't really supporting jay. we support jaokim n gayle. but gayle was out last nite. so .. yeahs. rite bside us were pual fans. jay fans n paul fans were like competeing hu scream d loudest. so irrataiting lahs. lols. den e1 n his fren were standing at d stage dere. so lols` afta d whole thing ended den dis lady jay fan came up to us n asked if we wan free tickets den js tell her she'll get us free tickets. so kind . den e1 was bhin me i din noe n he said yes. so if we wanna watch agn den we js gotta gif her a col or smthing. :)) blessed ` aites. i din go skul todae. was too tired lahs. x)
here r sm picswe took b4 n during s'pore idol.

things haf not chnged since. i js wished dat u wld understand me n realise dat d things u do r hurting me so deeply. it hurts so much. u said dat i was ova reacting, to me i noe im not. if u wld js once not owaes blame me n luk at wad u did wrng, dat'll b gifing in alittle. u sae i don gif in, aren't i gifing in alot alrdy ? wen u scold me i js kip quiet n stae calm. yet even tho at tymes it's not my fault i sae sorry. did u eva think b4 u sae or do antyhing to me. why isit dat afta so long we still js can't get along. 2 months, n im still in dis pathetic state. y isit dat weneva u get angry u vent ur anger on me. wen i tell u d truth, u get angry i undastand. but isit my fault ? i wonder y i love u so much. i wonder y i shed those tears ova u. isit worth it ? did u even noe wad happen b4 u actually sae anything. i noe dat i hurt u alot last tyme, but now im sorry. n im chnging. i js feel hurt by u everytyme. im gifing in so much, too much dat my heart's aching so much. i wish i had smwan to listen to me n tok to me abt my probs n lend me a crying shoulder. one hu'd cheer me up wen im dwn. sadly, dat person isn't u. u sae u care .. but do u really ? how many tymes haf u comforted me wen im sad ? i can't even rmbr wen was d last tyme u comforted me. cos it seemed lyk nvr.
i wanna get out of dis . did u even noe dat weneva i was toking to u on d fone im crying ? i can't bring myself to get hurt by u anymore. but smhow i noe dat even if i tell u all dese, u wldn't even care nor do anything. u'd js sae sorry . weneva u turn ur back on me, tears js roll dwn my cheeks
non-stop. i wanna BREAK FREE frm all the hurt u've been gifing me. 2 mnths n i don even feel happy at all. u said dat u'll chng, but it was all js lies. borken promises afta one anotha. to sae ' i hate u ' to u, wun do any gd. its not like u care. rite now i wanna b happy. but u stole my happiness frm me. pretending to b hu u wan me to b for 2 mnths, n u wan more. it hurts to hide all my upsetness n put up a fake one n smile js to please u. i feel lyk i don even noe hu i m now . YOU hurt me so badly n yet u donoe abt it. one last thing, but bcos i love u so .. il still gif in`

haven been blogging fer quite a while. anywaes, fer d past 3 daes din go skul cos i hadda hlp out in a gymnastic thing. at first i tot dat i wld b intresting. unfortunately it wasn't at all. d strting was. but afta tt it was BORING ! lols` 3 tooting daes i hafta go. d gymnastic girls all dance d same steps n its d same song ! wth lahs .. i was plaeing d music d whole dae. den nxt wik is guys artistic. i going 3 daes. wed thurs n fri. honestly i don wanna skip anymore lessons. im afraid i wld sate back. n i wanna do well in all my subs. so many things in my shecdule. tution training .. den d gymnastic thingy. but i can cop .. i think. my mum gonna sign me up fer d studio wu dance. FINALLY ! yays ` i've been waiting fer so darnn long. i've been pestering her since last yr :))) happiness -* whheeees ` i kinda felt pissed wit him todae. he msged me in d morn i di n reply den he cldn't b bothered to msg me agn. so .. urghhs !! i toked to smwan todae n kinda realise lotsa things frm her. decided ta gif in more . so decided ta let go abit n not owaes hold on ta him. im nobody ta control him anywaes.

i haven't tok much abt emerge. so now i wanna sae sm stuff abt it. it's gonna b a long post. hahas. alrightt.
dae 1 :
we had a nite session
dae2 :
we hadda morning session den in d afternoon dere's sm events going on. den in d nite session agn. it was really good !! d nite session we had lotsa surprises. guess hu came to sing ?! KELLY POON , JUN YANG, and TAUFIK !! everybody was so shocked lahs . hu wld expect dese top singapore singers to cum n sing in our church . n d 3 of dem aren't christians . d most shocking response was wen taufik came out. but he hadda most response frm d crowd. everywan was lyk so DARN highh ! dey were rally rocking d plc lahs . really loved d whole perfomances ! n d sermon was oso good . everything was so SO good ! d presence of God was dere .
dae 3:
had morning session n agn in d afternoon dere was sm events going on. mostly all competitions.
in d afternoon had talentime. i love d dances. rocks. joyous perfection was superb. den dere were lotsa singing . too much. sm ppl were sleeping lahs .. lols` i was hoping dat dere were more dancs. den d band playing , 2 guys d beat boxing. it was SO SO SOO darn nice !! ahhs ! so nice lahs .. how i wished i cld hear it agn. heesx` den in d nite session sun came backk !! ahhs .. everywan went crazy n d whole congregation all stood up n clapped so hard n loud!! den she came out n sang n everywan took out deir hdfones oned it n strted waving i ard. it was so cool ! she's so thin now. love her songs. she rocks.
dae 4:
had morning session too. den afternoon same thing. den nite session. d nite session was d grand finale. prize gifing. but i prefered d last 2 nites. it ws more lyk a grand finale. cos pst sun came out to sing agn. niu nai came tosing wit her . donoe hu's dat. lols` yups. den afta dat had sermon den went home.

here are sm pics of d emrge conf .

todae was d GRAND FINALE of d emerge 2006 conf. it was okae lahs .. i prefered ytd's wan. it was more lyk eh grand finae den todae's wan . yups` but overall d whole emerge conf was POWERFUL ! loved it. cld really feel d presence of GOD . wanna strt afresh. its gonna tk really long but i noe dat it's worth it. afta todae's emerge, dad came to fetch me n twins den we went to eat. seriously i was hoping dat he wldn't comment anything abt me n my sophisicated life. obviously he did. urghh-` i js don lyk to tok abt my life. i hate it. HATE . hais.. dere r smthings dat r meant not to b said. n mayb i js don wanna do anything abt it cos dere is NOTHING dat i can do. n wadeva my dad saes, not all of em r even true. anywae almostall is wrng lahs .. he can se wadeva he wants but i noe truth. dats wad matters to me. dats all. was so pised wi him js now.

back frm camp. didn't njoy d sec 3 camp at all . it was so darn boring !! d camp was done by outside intructors. dey weren't even good. we went to changi to camp.1st day we were seperated into groups. thank God i was wit sm of my class ppl. total dere were 10 grps. i was in grp 6.
1ST DAY :
grp 1-5 will go to pulau ubin to cycle ( bike trial)
grp6-10 will do river rafting at changi . we gotta build our own raft wit pipes , ropes n floats. d pipes were big n long one . it was quite fun lahs. but mking it was tiring. getting it on water was fun . cos we gotta get on our rafts. even tho my grp's raft was like so , koyak . but it still floated. otha den river rafting .. d WHOLE dae we plaed games or js sit ard. which was extremely boring !! SO SO boring. technically dis whole camp is very slack.

2ND DAE :
grp6-10 go pulau ubin n grp1-5 will do river rafting
so we cycled in pulau ubin . kinda fun but afta awhile its tiring. we took a bumboat frm changi to pulau ubin. afta dat we ate our lunch dere den cycle agn. but only 40 ppl is allowed to cycle. so my grp decided not to cycle. which was a bad idea. d journey to a certain plc was SO long. n back too. we wok back alrdy is very long , n we somore wok d wrng way. plus d sun shining at us , really hot. den we took a bumboat back to changi. in d nite we hadda "campfire" . mdm aini n sm chers came to watch. we all did our grp cheer. d "campfire" was not even fire. it was js 3 torchlites. so pathetic. hahas. afta dat d camp commander said dat since we were so gd dey will gif us freetime. so no litesout. no timing too . d 3 chrs in chrage came to check on d camp. n students were woking everywhere. so dey were shocked. n it was alrdy 11+ n 11+ is d tim fer litesout. so d camp commander coled d students back n told dem ms go back ta sleep. so couslers hadda miting. n we all gave out points abt d instructors. it was horrible. dey don haf time management , responsibility, deir're MAJORLY boring . ai ya` d whole camp's boring lahs. hahas. waste my $70 only. d 2nd dae i ton d whole nite wit d counslers. we crapped alot. den jp went ta sleep so left me n grace. den afta dat grace n sm of d otha counslers went back to deir chalet. so lucky. den left me n sm othas. den 1 by 1 most of em knocked out . so left me aiman n christopher. den it was 5am + alrdy. den dey don lemme sleep wan me to not sleep for d whole niteuntil 6am which is d time d campers wake up. hahas. gosh` afta 6am dey left. everybody woke up. i sat slept on d chair fer a short while den d nepalese came. hahas. den afta a very lng time den we went back to skul den home.

HOME SWIT HOME !! :)

tmr il b going fer my sec 3 camp. =( hate camps. il miss lotsa things. esp scott nibbles my bed n stuff. hahas.

ackks` todae had trialthalon competition. goshh .. so TIRING lahs . hadda swim 500m , den straightt afta swimming run 3km n cycle 3km. my running pulled me down. i was so dizzy and my stomache was pain. 2 ppl passed me until i got last. lols` so pathetic. nvm . afta da whole thingg was going to bath n on my way dere i vomitted. cldn't tk it. den went inside d loo n took pics wit tash mik n caijun. hahas.
oh mans , im sickk lahs . urghhs` hafing major running nose n coughh . my running nose irratates me .

here are some pics of us afta d whole competition . =) enjoy `

boo.